Whispers in the Dark
by lauraxxx
Summary: Sequel to Many Of Horror .I did not want to be found, but you don't always get what you want.
1. Chapter 1

The next few weeks were a nightmare. Imagine constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for someone from your past to show up, waiting for your biggest secret to be revealed the most dangerous man you know. Just waiting for something to happen, because something must happen.

Unless of course Joe hadn't recognised me- who was I kidding? Of course he had. The way his brilliant brown eyes widened in shock and how his lips had parted into an O shape. The fact that as I charged down to jump into a cab that was luckily parked waiting for a fare he had began to follow me. Only stopping and staring when the cab began to zoom down the street.

Not to mention whilst all that happened Wayne, my party animal boss' son watched on, I'm willing to bet he was totally confused and probably confirmed who I was to Joe the moment he turned back to talk to him.

Should I of mentioned Wayne's possible dabbling in drugs to my boss? It sounds bad, but I had other things on my mind. But maybe Joe wasn't dealing anymore. I could hope.

Work was ruthless, it seemed to be busier than normal and I was just waiting for Joe or worst Billy to walk in. I wanted to ask Wayne about why he was with Joe and if he had asked about me, but I had no idea how to approach the matter.

Even if I did ask him, I knew I'd regret his answer the moment he replied.

The clocked ticked onwards and I sat there alone in my cold apartment gripping a mug of coffee; I couldn't afford to have the heating on constantly, even if it was nearly November- I'd stick to shivering before putting the heating on in time for the kids to be home in the morning.

Quickly, without even thinking I put my mug down and my coat on, about to leave for work an hour early.

Most definitely pathetic, but so was sitting there alone in the freezing cold.

Smoke swirled in the air and clouded the room in a foggy haze; the scarce amount of windows were barred and locked and the door was closed tightly, letting people know that they were forbidden to go in there.

Sweat dripped off the pale face of a man, and his cheek was smeared with his own blood; his eyes drooped heavily and bruise like shadows were set deep beneath his eyes.

His breathing was hoarse and ragged and he could barely keep his head up. Somebody had given him a good going over.

The door creaked open, light blinded the young man for the briefest of moments before the door was eagerly slammed again, drenching the room in darkness. The only light coming from a pitiful lamp that sat in the corner, barely any light coming from it.

"I swear I didn't take your money," the bruised and battered man spluttered out, his chin resting on his broad chest.

Almost the second the words passed his lips a burning cigarette came flying at him, burning his stained cheek. He screamed in agony as the cigarette burned his skin before managing to flick it off himself.

The aching man heard a tap of a lighter and a gruff throat inhaling before cigarette smoke was blown into his bruised face.

"Well," he inhaled again. "I think your lying." Billy grabbed the pleading man by the scruff, yanking him forward.

A scream of pain escaped the man's sore lips as his arms which were tied behind a chair were ripped forward. Billy leaned down so that he was head to head with the burning man, his head was tilted to the side and he crazily rubbed his shiny gun against the man's cut cheek.

"I'm gonna' go and have a fuckin' drink Terry, and when I come back your gonna' tell me where my money is, or you and my friend here are gonna' have a problem. Ya understand?"

Joe downed his beer before he stood up and shrugged his jacket onto his aching back, he hadn't slept properly in weeks and was slowly turning into a neurotic mess.

He had to sort it all out. He had to know what she was doing back? Was she crazy or just plain stupid?

Quickly he grabbed his keys and began to head out the door of the smoky bar. He pushed the creaking door open with a wail. "Joey, where ya goin'?"

Joe stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw slightly tightening; this is most certainly not what he wanted. He let out a deep breath before turning back around and facing the one person he didn't want to see, his big brother.

"I was heading over to see Tammie," Joe quickly lied, hoping that Billy would let him go if he thought a good lay was involved. "I'll send her over to ya later."

Billy walked over to Joe, clasping his sore back. "I have something for you to do." Billy placed his forehead against Joe's, his strong hand resting firmly on his younger brothers neck.

Joe let out deep breath, running round for Billy certainly weren't on his agenda that night.

"Forget Tammie, her cheap ass will still be waiting when you've finished work. I need you to get to the office now and pick up a couple of ounces of dope, ya remember where it's stashed?" Joe nodded into his brother hand. "Take that shit to Tommy and tell him to get his ass down that underpass. I'm gonna be here with Terry for a little longer." Joe just nodded again and began to walk away, ready to run Billy's errand for him. "Oh yeah, Margo's been calling the bar all night whinging that ya fuckin' phone been off. Ya need to whip that bitch of yours ass in shape Joe, she needs to learn her fucking place." Joe clenched his jaw and left the bar without another glance at his older brother.

The drive to the office was a killer, Billy was pilling the pressure onto Joe and honestly he didn't know if he could take it. Billy was rattling on and on about Joe becoming a man and was piling on more responsibility onto him at almost every opportunity. He had recently been told where one of Billy stashes were, where a lot of the drugs were kept after production. He had been sending him to Bones more than usual and giving him double shifts.

To add to Joe's problems he had been seeing a feisty red head waitress named Margo for the past couple of months and she couldn't take Joe new found responsibility within the gang. She didn't like not knowing where he was most nights and the crack whores that he sometimes hanged with- if she only knew the half of it. Joe just couldn't deal with her shit at the moment.

And then Trish had showed up again, fucking his head royally. He couldn't think straight, she was in almost every thought, his nieces or nephews were constantly in his thoughts. He wondered if she was okay- he needed to know if she was okay.

The cold breeze hit me in the face and my chocolate hair whipped round wildly behind me. The street was quiet and oddly empty almost eerie even, I had been catching cabs home from work for the last couple of weeks now, all because I was terrified. I didn't want to find myself in a dark street with Billy Darley anytime soon.

But catching a cab almost every night was seriously draining my scarce funds so I was determined to walk home even if the paranoia was taking over me.

I rushed down the street, pulling my coat tighter to me as I went. It really was becoming bitter; I'd have to get the kids some new scarves and gloves soon.

The silence of the empty street was interrupted by a low rumbling sound that I knew too well. I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to move. Fear taking over every limb in my body. The low rumble of the black mustang I had spent so much time cruising around in didn't stop, it didn't become louder or faze away into the distance it stayed loudly rumbling near. But I couldn't see the car anywhere, there were a couple of alleys around but I was too nervous to peak into them.

"Trish," I jumped at the sound if Kevin's voice. His hand gently touched my shoulder, I flinched away. "Are you okay?"

I turned slowly to face him, relief washing over me as I took in his tall dark frame. "I thought I heard something," I said quietly, still looking around for the low rumble.

"C'mon, I'll give you a lift home." I had never accepted a lift home from my boss but tonight was different. My so called determination had gone out of the window.

As Kevin and I drove down the street I swear a black mustang was following us. It only seemed to appear round the corner as we pulled out of the street and into another, if anything I was only catching glimpses of it. It was probably my wired imagination.

Kevin drove silently, sending quick glances my way. He watched as I stared into the mirrors frantically. Before I had even realised it he had pulled up outside my apartment building.

The street was brightly lit by street lamps, and the apartments hallway light glowed out on the street creating a river of light from the car door to my apartment.

Whilst I was staring out onto the street Kevin's vast hand slipped onto my thigh, much higher than I found acceptable. He began to rub the area with his soft thumb, through my thin trousers I could feel ever soft caress.

I turned to face him whilst removing his hand from my thigh with my own. "Kevin, please don't do this again," I all but whispered not looking into his dark pools before getting out of his car and slamming the door. I swear he took off even before the car door had fully shut.

So I was stood there alone.

I began to fumble clumsily through my bag for my key to get into the building, and like every other night I ended up emptying my bag on the narrow steps leading to my building. I searched through the piles of rubbish- old sweet wrappers, empty packets of gum, miscellaneous pieces of make-up and a five dollar note. That made me happy.

Happy until I heard the low rumbling again. I was like a dear caught in headlights, the car stormed down the street it's lights shining in my face. I scrambled around looking for my key whilst shoving things back into my bag; I needed to get into my building.

The black mustang with red tribal patterns down the sides ground to a halt exactly where Kevin had been not two minuets ago, I couldn't see who was inside the car and I tried to pretend like I had never seen that car before in my life whilst eagerly searching for the key.

My heart sunk as I heard the car door slam shut. Shit Shit Shit!

"Is this what ya lookin' for?" A familiar voice that surprisingly made me relax almost immediately said. I was holding my breath as I turned around slowly, coming face to face with Joe Darley who was standing in just a black T-shirt and a pair of jeans, he was holding up a brass key in his hands.

"Yeah, where did you find it?" I asked stupidly, it didn't matter where he found it, I had it and I should run inside immediately.

His grin widened, it was contagious within seconds I was smiling wildly too.

"On the sidewalk, I guess it fell out of your pocket when you got out of the car." It was silent for a moment. "Look Trish, we got to talk. Let's just sit down here and talk." He said whilst plonking his bony frame on the cold stone steps.

I stared at him, my lips pursed. "Get up, we can't sit out here you'll catch pneumonia." I opened the door with my newly found key and held the door open for Joe to enter the apartment building.

We walked silently up the two staircases together, both of us looking straight ahead.

My apartment opened into a long hallway in the shape of a T, at the bottom of the hall there were two archways facing each other, one entered the kitchen the other the living room. Once in the living room there were two doorways, one to my bedroom and the other the bathroom. There was a small staircase in the living room that led to the twins bedroom.

The whole apartment was decorated nicely, in pastel shades. I couldn't take credit, I'd never had a flare for design; I was lucky enough that the owner had a pretty good eye for that stuff.

I walked slowly from the kitchen to the living room, clutching two beers. Joe accepted one silently.

"Ya got a real nice place here," Joe observed looking around the yellow room. His eyes stopped when he saw a framed photograph on the television stand, without a word I snagged it and handed it to him. It was a photo of from above, the kids were laying in the snow making snow angels.

"That's your niece and nephew." I murmured. "That's Jake," I said my finger tracing my little boys picture, my finger moved carelessly over to the picture of my little girl wrapped in a big pink coat. "And that's Ronnie."

Joe's head snapped up to look at me. "After my mom?" I nodded slowly.

The silence was interrupted my Joe cell phone ringing noisily, he answered it reluctantly.

I could hear the angry shouting coming from the phone. I didn't have to guess to know who it was; my hands were shaking as I heard his gruff voice again.

"I'll be there." Joe muttered before closing his cell and standing up. "When can I come by again?" he asked quickly.

I pursed my lips together. "I don't think that suck a good idea-"

"I want to meet them, C'mon Trish. Please." I played with the hem of my white blouse. "Billy will never know about it." He promised me, and with a small nod of my head I told him to return the following evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys :D sorry it's taken so long to update. I've been mega busy!

I really hope you enjoy this and please review.

Constructive criticism is most welcome.

"Jesus," I cursed angrily as I cut my finger open on the sharp knife I was slicing tomatoes with. Quickly I shoved my bleeding finger into my mouth and headed to answer the door which had been ringing wildly for the past minute. "Im coming," I muttered as the doorbell was set off once again.

Before the door was even open fully I heard my neighbour Grace already speaking loudly. "It is so cold out there! Im seriously thinking of investing in a guy with a car," she whined hopelessly as she stepped inside. "Ohh what happened to your finger?" she sauntered off into my living room before I had even closed the front door.

I followed her quietly still sucking on my finger.

Grace lived two floors below me and was a single mother too. Living in the same building and being single mothers were where out similarities ended. She was tall and horribly skinny but with big enhanced breasts. Her long bottle blonde hair fell in loose curls down her back and wide green eyes twinkled magically. I knew she got that twinkle from a tiny bottle of eye drops that cost her near fifteen bucks a piece.

Gracie was also younger than me by a couple of years, and she had already been married twice, divorced once and widowed once. I had an inkling she wasn't too distressed at the thought of being a widow at twenty-five. I mean she had after all got a nice apartment out of it, which her second husband had paid for in cash before he had died of a heart attack.

Besides the apartment she had got nothing in the will, it was left all to his children, who by the way were older than her by ten years, but who am I to judge?

She always said one of her biggest regrets was having her little boy Cody with her first waste of space husband instead of her surgeon second husband. It was a statement I weren't all to comfortable with.

"I have a date," she announced loudly whilst twirling around in a circle, modelling her new pants shirt ensemble she was wearing.

"Very nice," did I mention my finger was throbbing and I was sure I was about to bleed to death. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Some guy I met out a couple of weeks ago, but that's not why I'm here."

I pursed my lips. "I was counting on you wanting something," I muttered.

"Can you pick Cody up for me tomorrow? I know its my day to pick the kids up from school but I've got a hair appointment that I cant rearrange."

"Sure, I'm only working till two tomorrow anyway which reminds me since I've just got this second job I'm going to need to switch Thursdays to Fridays with you? My schedule is so hectic and I've got so much going on right now. To be honest with you, my head a bit fucked."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Listen Joe, we have to talk," Margo said loudly with a thick Brooklyn accent. Her flaming hair came to her jaw in tight curls and her wide devilish blue eyes always seemed to be somewhere else.

She curled up onto the couch, looking up at him as he stared down at her lazily whilst chugging on a bottle of bud. "What's up?" he asked whilst shooting the beer bottle into the bin that was ten feet away from him.

Margo breathed deeply through her nose before speaking. "I missed my period," Joe's eyed widened and he felt like he was about to be sick. "Don't worry, I took a test and it was negative."

Whooo-wee, the crushing weight that had unexpectedly landed on Joe's shoulders moments before disappeared immediately.

Joe let out a small laugh. "Fuck you scared the shit out of me," he stood up and grabbed his cigarettes before bending down and kissing her lightly on the cheek. She stared up at him with wide stunned eyes. "I'll give you a call in a couple of days."

Margo stood up desperately as Joe walked out her front door; within a second she was storming after him. Her fiery temper taking over her she ripped the door open and dashed out onto the front porch, picking up a bag of garbage that she tossed at Joe's back.

He turned around surprised; a cigarette was balanced between his fingers.

"What the fuck?"

"Don't you think we should talk about this?" she screamed, her small pink nightgown not protecting her at all from the cold wind that blew menacingly at her.

"About?"

"We could have been parents! We might have been pregnant. Isn't that enough of a shock to your system to make you wise up. To stay with me? To come home at night? To grow up? To stop acting like a fucking dick that thinks he can come and go as he pleases; I am not one of your brothers whores who you can walk all over and I refuse to be a toy you pick up when it fucking suits you!"

Joe stared at her stunned, his jaw tight.

"If your with me Joe, your with me okay? I will not be like that pathetic skirt who your brother was with for years, I will not be used."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My head had barely touched the pillow when the doorbell began to ring furiously again; if it was Grace I would kill her; didn't she realise I needed to be up at six am to get to my new job?

It was seriously stupid of me to think that just because the kids were staying with good old uncle Alex I would actually get a decent nights sleep.

I peeped through the peephole to see Joe standing there gazing up at the ceiling.

"What are you doing here?" I yelled through the door.

"I came to visit you; you do remember telling me I was welcome to stop by from time to time to see my niece and nephew right?"

I frowned at the door. "Yeah but not at twelve AM; are you alone?"

Now it was Joe's turn to frown.

"Who would be with me?"

"Billy maybe?"

"Don't be stupid Trish, I would never bring trouble like that to your door."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I sipped my mug of green tea slowly as Joe chugged at his beer.

"She obviously wants you to commit to her," I commented in between Joe's long rants. I felt the way I did towards him the same as I did years ago, like a big sister.

"Why she tell me she had missed her period, why make a big deal over nothing?" Joe asked looking extremely confused.

"Did you ever think that maybe she was upset that she wasn't pregnant? Or your reaction being so relieved might of set her off. Having a baby, or even thinking for no matter how short a period of time that you might be pregnant is a very emotional experience; it makes you see things completely differently."

Joe ran his hands along his tired looking face. " I guess your right." It was silent for awhile. "How are the kids?"

A large smile came across my face. " As noisy as ever; they took a shine to you. I could see that, especially Ronnie, she really enjoyed uncle Joe playing dolls with her."

"How's Jake doing?" Joe asked caringly.

I sipped at my tea again. "Good real good. The medication they've given him seems to be doing well, the school hasn't called me up about him in almost two weeks. A new record." I forced a smile, tears coming to my eyes. "Two of his fingers are broken," a single tear ran down my cheek. "he was almost down the staircase when he began having a seizure and he fell and smashed his hand, I should have been there to catch him. But I didn't know- he didn't say he could feel one coming, he usually says he can taste metal." Tears were rushing down my cheeks now; I felt like I could barely breath.

Joe gripped me and held me to him.

"It's not your fault Trish," he was almost cooing.

"But it is my fault," I pulled away from him. "I took drugs when I was pregnant it doesn't matter if I knew that I was or not. I let Billy beat me. I did this to my son, I inflicted all of his illnesses on him."

"Don't be fucking stupid Trish, if it's anyone's fault it's Billy's." I breathed in deeply whilst staring at Joe, stunned that he was openly blaming his brother for something. "Your tired and im keeping you up, how about you go to bed, ill crash on your sofa and I'll give you a ride into work so you get an extra hour's sleep yeah?"

I nodded slowly before going and getting the spare sheets for Joe to sleep on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Who's the guy?" Joe asked nodding towards my screensaver on my phone; he glanced at me before turning his attention back to the road.

I peeked down at my screensaver and turned slightly in my seat so I could see Joe clearly.

He didn't seem to be that interested so I spoke nonchalantly, "That would be Steve."

"Your boyfriend?" Joe asked.

My face made an involuntary grimace. "Ehhh yeah- kinda, I'll have to get back to you on that." Joe cocked an eyebrow at me. "Steve's in the marines; he's currently doing a tour of Afghanistan so he ain't around too much. But when he is; he always makes time to see us."

"Us?"

"The kids and I; Steve and I have been sort of together since the twins were six months old."

"Whooo long time," Joe commented.

I suppressed a laugh. "Not too long when you count the time we've actually spent together. But the kids love him and he loves them."

"Do you love him?"

"I haven't heard from him in almost a month and it's killing me," I bit my lower lip. "I guess I do."

Joe stayed silent for the rest of the journey, and I continued flipping my phone up and down gazing at Steve and the twins smiling faces.

Before I knew it we had pulled up outside my new workplace; I had a sneaking feeling that the cabs that took me to work went the long way round the city.

I kissed Joe lightly on the cheek before hopping out of the car and dashing into the gas station that was now my second job.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The rain trickled down the glass of the car and the old radio played a crackling version of a popular song.

The two burly men that sat in the car watched as the petite brunette jogged from Joe's car; Joe's car then speedily pulled away but the two men stayed stationed across the street from the station.

The greying driver of the car flipped open his cell phone.

"Yeah we found him, he's with some hot brunette who looks pretty fuckin' familiar. Yeah I got a shot of her for ya," he listened intently to the other person on the other line. "He didn't seem to be up to nothing; we'll be back at the shop in a half hour Bones."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Where the fuck have ya been?" Billy yelled his muscular arms firm on his hips; his wicked eyes bulged out of his head and sunken purple bags hung low beneath his them. "Ya were supposed to deliver to Bones!"

Joe's arms crossed across his chest defensively, his shoulders sunk down and he looked anywhere but into Billy's menacing eyes. He felt like Billy could read his mind, and knew where he had been all night.

"Margo's," Joe replied trying to sound cool.

"Don't fuckin' lie to me Joe, I'm not in the mood for your fuckin' lies," Billy was pacing back and forth now. "I went to Margo's she said you took off so where ya' been?"

Joe stayed silent.

"Bones thinks your fuckin' selling for B-street." Billy glared down at Joe who had slumped into the sofa, his hands resting on his head. "Ya better not be Joe, or so fuckin' help me-"

"Im not selling for B-street. I'm guessing Margo didn't mention she had a fuckin' pregnancy scare did she? I was driving around all night thinking. I forgot about Bones, Ill deal with him."

Billy looked like he was going to explode. "You'll deal with him huh? You will, will ya? You don't know what it's like to deal with Bones Joey, I fuckin' deal with Bones so ya don't have to. So when you disappear all night when your meant to be running a small fuckin' errand, I have to deal with Bones' shit, not ya!"

Joe stood up and turned to Billy.

"Look I'm sorry, it won't happen again. My head it just fuckin' went."

Billy's nostrils were flaring as he took a sharp raspy breath.

"Let me give ya some brotherly advice Joe." Joe was certain he'd never been given brotherly advice from Billy before. "If I were ya I'd make sure that she doesn't get pregnant, because the moment she does, ya gonna-" Billy stopped mid sentence and began walking off into his bedroom whilst rubbing his brow.

"What ya' gonna' say Billy?"

He stopped in the doorway, his back still turned to Joe.

"The moment she does, your gonna' lose her," he slammed his bedroom door before Joe could say any more.

Two weeks later.

"Bout fuckin' time, Nazi," Bones bellowed as he polished a gun from behind his desk.

Billy strolled into the room, his shoulders broad and tense he stood silently for Bones to speak his demands.

"I got a job for ya and the boys," Billy nodded silently. "There's a gas station couple miles from here, I want ya to hold it up get what ya can. I don't want Joe involved okay?"

Billy nodded as Bones told him what gas station he was to hold up.

Bones' beady eyes looked straight into Billy's wide orbs, "Ya listen to me ya got to do it Tuesday between two am and six am, ya hear me?"

"There won't be any hard cash in the register at that time of the morning," Billy commented whilst folding the directions into a small square.

Bones sniggered as Billy strutted out of the room. "It's not the cash I'm after Billyboy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rain rushed down the glass, pelting and slamming into it carelessly. The loud tapping noise of it lingered in the background as I flicked through a magazine carelessly glancing at the clock every five minutes, sighing when I saw how long of my shift I had left.

Three hours and seven minutes, I told myself.

Lightning flashed in the sky and a low rumble of thunder ripped through the sky moments later. I could barely hear the radio playing softly in the background so its not surprising I couldn't hear the racket coming down the street.

I looked out of the window nonchalantly, sure that I had seen someone walk by but in the crazy weather it was hard to be sure. My suspicions were confirmed when the bell of the door rang as it was pushed open by men wearing hoodies and balaclavas'.

I stumbled backwards in to the cigarette counter as I saw they were carrying shot guns, big shot guns.

And then my worst fear happened.

A man wearing a burgundy balaclava and a brown leather jacket strode in swinging his shot gun back and forth.

Billy.

I couldn't hear what the men were screaming at me all I could see was that he was getting closer and closer.

A loud shot made me scream and focus on a guy closest to me on the other side of the register; he had shot at the floor next to my feet.

"Open the fuckin' register or im gonna' put a bullet in ya," I rushed towards the register and opened it before stepping back and putting my hands over my face; tears running.

Billy walked closer now, much much slower.

The guy who had shot near me grabbed my arm over the counter and threw me over it; I landed on the floor with a hard thud.

"Where's the rest of the money?" He yelled; I was crying so hard now I couldn't speak.

Billy had walked over to me, his arms loose at him side, his shot gun dangling down almost touching the floor. He looked down at my crying face and he tilted his own head to the side. I could see his piercing eyes through the small holes the balaclava had.

"Please," I whimpered. Billy jerked back a little at the sound of my voice.

He turned to look at one of the men in a balaclava, "get the tapes." Quickly then he stepped over me and grabbed my bag before emptying it on the counter, he rooted through my things before pocketing my address book and opening my purse where there was a picture of myself and the kids, he ripped that out and stared at it before pushing that into his pocket.

"Put the cash back in the register," he yelled at the guy with the cash, he pointed his gun at the guy first before pointing at the register.

Billy left as quickly as he had arrived.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys thank you so much for all the reviews.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter :D**

**And a huge Thanks to Ash, who is an awesome beta.**

**Just to let you guys know this story will probably have a name change by the next chapter. **

**Please leave a review.**

_Bang Bang Bang _

"Joe, wake up someone's outside," Margo shook at Joe's shoulder violently. "Wake up there banging at the door."

Joe rubbed his eyes sleepily as he groaned and sat up. The loud banging continued heavily at the front door, and what Joe suspected the outer walls of the house too. "Im fuckin' coming," Joe bellowed as he headed down the passage way of Margo's house whilst scratching the back of his head. He yanked open the dead-bolt and before he knew it he had been pushed violently into the back wall by Billy.

Billy's fist pounded into Joe's stomach. He dragged Joe out onto the tiny rotting porch by the scruff and threw him down onto the ground and aimed a huge quick at him. Margo stood rigid in the doorway, her blue eyes wide. "Ya got something to tell me?" Billy screamed at Joe, who was huddled on the floor his arms wrapped around his head. "Huh?" Billy dug his hand deep into his pocket and tore the photograph of Trish and the twins out and rammed into Joe's face.

Joe's eyes widened involuntarily at seeing the picture. How did he get it? He straightened up, leaned against the porch and held his sore ribs. Billy stepped backwards whilst wiping his nose with the hand that held the photograph; his breathing was coarse and heavy.

"How did you get that?" Joe asked stunned whilst Margo fussed over his cut lip.

Ignoring Joe, Billy began to thud his way down towards the car. "Get in the car Joe, we got to talk."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Billy sat still in the car only his arm moving as he brought his cigarette to his lips; his cheeks sucked in as he puffed and his cheekbones protruded from his sallow skin. His eyes were orbs of emptiness. "How long have you been seeing her?"

Joe stared blankly at Billy who was staring straight ahead, almost as if he hadn't just asked his younger brother a question. "Her? Your asking about her after you've found your kids? Your unbelievable-"

"Their mine?" Billy demanded to know curtly. "Ya sure?"

Joe nodded silently whilst staring at Billy's scarred face. This man couldn't be a father, it was impossible. Joe didn't think Billy even carried the fatherly gene; he didn't think he fucking did either. The two brothers sat in silence for what seemed a long time before Billy started the engine and began driving through the run down streets that they had grown up in. Billy's eyes were deep in thought as he sped around the sharp corners his heavy boot barely touching the brake. How could he sit there silently? Why wasn't he begging Joe to tell him his kid's names? Why didn't he want to know every single thing about them? Joe's clenched his bruising jaw as he thought about his brother's nonchalant uncaring response to being told he was a father of two. Sure, it was going to take time to sink in, but that didn't make any excuse for his reaction.

"Do ya want to know their names?" Joe demanded; Billy stayed silent his eyes empty pool's. "Well encase your fucking wondering, you have a little boy called Jake and a daughter called Ronnie."

Surprise flashed across Billy's hard face before his foot slammed on the brake. Joe flew forward his hands pressed out in front of him ready to break the force of the jolted stop. The old mustang had stopped in the middle of the road. "I want to fuckin' see her," he roared, his pale flesh tensed hard around the steering wheel. "Don't ya try to fuckin' stop me Joe, I know where she fuckin' works and I got her number, it won't take much to find out where they live."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I had no idea why Joe had called to meet me in a small dingy diner just off of the freeway; didn't he realise how hard it is for someone without a car to get there? I paid the cab driver serenely before walking towards the quiet café, it seemed to be pretty empty, the waitresses sat aimlessly waiting for the morning rush to hit them. I guess that's what happens when you get a call begging for you to be at pit-stop diner at five thirty in the morning. Joe was lucky I was finishing work at five am, otherwise there is no way I'd be able to meet him. I had responsibilities, that I didn't think quite registered with Joey. He was still getting to know the twins, his niece and nephew, and I guess it was strange for him to see me transform from a drug taking party girl into dedicated neurotic mother.

But why had he dragged me all the way out here for breakfast? He could've come over to my place for breakfast and then he could've spent some time with the kids when they came home from my mothers at around noon. I could've got a few hours of shut eye before he came over then too. What if something was wrong? Surely Billy hadn't recognized me in the garage? He had just seen how distressed I was and decided to leave. Oh God please say I was right. He wouldn't recognize me after all these years, I didn't mean that much to him. I tried earnestly to brush the horrifying thoughts of the worst case scenario out of my mind; Joe sounded fine on the phone. Surely I would've of been able to read his voice?

I headed straight into the toilet and when I returned I saw Joe sitting in a corner booth alone, looking edgy and agitated. "Joe, you okay?" I asked as I slid into the seat opposite him.

He looked tired and wary, his eyes were puffy and glazed and a light purple sheen was forming above his left cheek. Joe stubbed out his cigarette before he began speaking. "Listen Trish, I didn't mean for this to happen okay? It's probably for the best anyway."

"What's for the best?"

"Bones must of followed me and found out and-" I didn't hear anything else, I knew what he meant. Billy must know, he must of recognized me, he was most definitely going to find me. I looked to my side; he already had found me.

Billy Darley stood towering over me, his stance was intimidating and I immediately began to cower into the seat. Fuck. Why was this happening to me? Fear overwhelmed and I could feel my eyes begin to sting. Before I could even think he shifted his jacket to the side to reveal a gun tucked into the top of his jeans. My lip began to quiver, what was he going to do? Get revenge after all these years? I would have been sure he would have been over it by now, or dead.

He nodded his shaved head towards the exit, and I knew immediately what he meant. He wanted me to get and go outside, or there would be trouble. Slowly I began to scoot out of the booth, every part of my body wanting to curl up in a corner and count to ten and hope I'd wake up from the obvious nightmare I must have been having.

"You wait here Joe," Billy's thunderous voice commanded; it still sent shivers up my spine. Joe must have been about to exit the booth too. I wondered if Billy still exercised the same amount of control of Joe as he used to, I was willing to put my money on yes.

I began to shuffle my way out of the diner, nerves making me move faster than I would of liked. Billy turned to head behind the back of the diner, where there was nothing but a large bin and a wall. We would be completely isolated behind here, no-one would hear what was said or done. I swallowed hard, and fought ruthlessly to hold back the tears. I didn't want this savage to know I was still scared of him, after all these years.

I took a deep breath before turning to face him and it took me a minute to realise what he was holding up. It was the picture of me and the kids he had taken from my purse.

Shit.

"What the fuck is that?" _That? _Billy roared, his strong arms resting on his hips, his demeanour terrifying. He spoke as if I hadn't disappeared into the night five years ago.

Silence.

"Huh?" Billy fumed. There was no getting out of this, I was going to have to tell him the truth. If I was lucky, the reality of it all would scare him away.

I sucked in a sharp breath, "That's would be me and my kids."

"Our kids," Billy hissed angrily before turning and looking from left to right. His eyes were sore and red, and still the angry pool's of his icy eyes made it hard for me to look at him directly.

I decided to look at the floor; I'm all for going with the easy option. "No they are my children, not your's-," I said stubbornly staring at my red shoes.

Billy's voice interrupted me. " That is not ya fuckin' decision to make-"

"You were nothing but a sperm donor," I spat finally looking up into his eyes before storming off, tears threatening to fall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks later.

I waited nervously for the cab I had booked to turn up; I couldn't walk anywhere these days, not if I wanted to stay away from Billy. The black mustang seemed to appear whenever I went to work, just parked outside. Waiting for something, I didn't know what. The first few days, he tried to talk to me. Well no, tried to get me into his car. I ignored him and jumped into the cab quickly, instructing the driver to take the longest route home in a bid to loose him. It had worked so far; there's only so many lights you can jump before getting pulled over by the police.

My cab pulled up and I immediately began to rush outside, but before I was halfway there, the cab was driving off and Billy was standing there. He had just paid the cab driver to fuck off.

"Are ya ready to talk to me?" Billy demanded, his hands shoved deep into his jean's pockets.

A feeling of hopelessness washed over me, what was I going to do? I couldn't avoid this confrontation any longer, he clearly wasn't going to give up. And I really really needed him too. Being confronted again was not doing anything for my nerves. I kept expecting him to barge through the door grab me by the hair and drag me out of there, finish me of like he wanted to all those years again. God knows what he'd do to the children. Probably fucking sell them.

I was on the verge of tears constantly, Billy Darley was not meant to be a part of my children's lives. That was the plan and I was sticking to it. There was no way I was allowing a piece of scum like Billy in the twins lives, they didn't deserve that, and I was certainly not going to put them through that. Because there is no doubt that if I did let Billy into their precious lives, he would show up for awhile, show just enough humanity for the twins to get attached then he'd take what he wanted and leave. Leaving us in pieces again.

Or he would do something so horrific we would have to leave again; leaving us in pieces. Either way, he was just going to tear my family apart. My children did not need to know who their father was, not when their father was a scumbag like Billy. I looked up into Billy's hard cold eyes and I tried desperately not to look away. I needed to hold my stance, I needed to stay, not run away.

"What do you want from me?" I asked quickly, not breaking eye contact though I so desperately wanted to.

Billy blew air out of his mouth before looking down and lighting up a cigarette; he sucked in the nicotine for about a minute before offering the cigarette to me. I looked at him like there was something mentally wrong with him. Wait, there was. He was a psychopath.

"No," I snapped angry. "Why are you following me? Stalking is illegal in the country you know!"

He clenched his jaw before throwing his cigarette on the floor. "They are my kids," he stated through gritted teeth.

"You have got to be kidding me? You want contact with them? Huh," I shook my head. "You didn't even want them to be born. You did everything in your power to kill them. And if I hadn't of left you would of killed me. You have no right to expect anything from us; we don't need you. We have done fine for the last five years and I expect we'll be fine for the rest of our lives as long as you stay out of them-"

"Don't ya fuckin' think they'll want to know who their father is?" Billy spat at me, his neck turning red, his eyes alight with fury.

I nodded slowly, tears filling my eyes. " Yes, I expect they will." Billy looked satisfied. "But when they do, I'll tell them your _dead._"

He stared down at me with his blazing orbs, before turning around and walking away. I had silenced Billy Darley, well that was a first.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The apartment was dark and smoky, the only light coming from dim glow of the TV that was muted silent. Smoke swirled in the air fogging up the apartment like night's sky.

Billy sat on the same torn black leather sofa that him and Trish had spent countless nights on all those years ago. He could see her now sprawled across it in a tiny tank top and shorts, reading a book whilst gently chewing on her lip. He could also see her passed out across it, vomit in her wayward sunny hair, powder stuck in the sore cuts underneath her nose.

Time had gone quick, he hadn't realised it had flown by so, and yet he was almost the same guy, if not more violent and vicious than he was before. But she had changed, he knew that. He had seen it, the way she acted and how she stood up to him. She had stood up to him before, but never had she done it in such a way that Billy felt like a cold knife had been ripped through his chest.

It's not like he was ever going to be father of the year, but he was curious after all that Joe had told him. And if he was completely honest, it was one of the only reasons he could think of that still connected him with Trish.

Since he had first looked down at her pained face in that hole of a garage, looked into those wide soothing eyes he couldn't stop thinking about her again. Thinking about everything they had done wrong, everything that he had done wrong.

Fuck, he was sure he had been numb for the past couple of years because he couldn't remember the last time he had felt anything besides anger. Seeing her again had brought out feeling that were buried deep down in his chest, shit, he hadn't realised those emotions still survived in him.

From the moment her dark perplexing eyes had stared up at him from that garage floor, he had been flooded with feelings of regret and grief. He felt like he was mourning, but mourning for what?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I waited outside the party place patiently, anticipating the tired staff opening the door's and releasing my sugared up hyperactive children on me. With all the cola and sweet they gave them in places like these, I bet it would take me hours to get them to sleep.

My two were the first two children to run out holding balloons and party bags, they galloped towards me, both of their faces covered in face paint.

I bent down to meet them at their height. They both slammed into my chest; I hadn't seen them since yesterday because of my stupid late night shifts. Its surprising how little it takes to miss your kids.

"Hey," I smiled kissing them both on the head before starting to zip their coats up. "And what are you supposed to be?" I asked Jake looking at her red painted face.

"Spiderman!" He declared happily before turning his attention to his balloon that blew menacingly in the heavy wind.

"And you honey?" Ronnie smiled her gap tooth smile before pushing mousy brown hair out of her face.

"A frog, obviously mom," she said shaking her head like I was the silliest person she had ever met. I grasped both of their hands and began walking towards the bus stop a couple of blocks away.

"So did you enjoy the party? Did Robert like his gift?" I looked down at Jake who was happily playing with the balloon. Jake was my quiet one, when he wanted to be. He didn't speak much unless he had something to say but when he did you most definitely heard him. You most definitely heard him and felt him when he had one of his tantrums.

Ronnie was my little chatterbox, she would talk and talk and had a commanding tone in her voice I had no doubt came from Billy. She was loud and talkative, but she did behave herself, almost like she knew I had a hard time with Jake, and didn't want to increase my load.

Ronnie answered for the both of them, like I expected. "It was fun, Robert's daddy was playing with us but then Robert didn't like it. He said for us to go and play with our own Daddy."

"Oh," I tried to stay silent, not needing to fuel this Daddy conversation.

"Is Alex our Daddy?" Ronnie pressed staring up at me with her intense blue eyes. I glanced down at Jake to find him peeking up at me with his identical stern eyes; I was like I was looking at a younger version of Billy.

How was I meant to answer that? She had asked me the exact question that I couldn't answer. Any answer I gave her would lead to more questions and I did not want any more questions of the fatherly sort.

"Umm, Alex isn't your father, you know that Ron," I spoke tightly, and I was sharper with her that I intended to be.

"Well," Jake's small voice came from beside me. "Who is?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Ring Ring Ring _

"Joe," I spoke quietly down the phone.

"_Hey, what's up Trish?" _He asked lazily down the phone, I think I had woken him.

"Are you with Billy?" I asked nervously, wanting hang up.

Silence. _"I'll see if he's in, why?"_

"I need to talk to him." I could hear the creek of the door and the loud thuds of his heavy feet, then a creek of another door. Then I could hear him waking Billy up on the other end, him mentioning my name and mentioning how I wanted to speak to him.

"_Trish?" _He grunted down the phone.

"Yeah, listen you win okay? The twin's have started asking about you. You still want to see them?"

Silence. _"Yeah."_

Why did I instantly feel like I was going to regret this?


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, here's the next chapter it's only a short one though.

Please give me your honest opinions on it; it really does help :D I thought I'd let you guy's now that before I post the next chapter I'll be changing the name to 'Whispers in the Dark' so if this isn't on your alert list, look for the new name instead.

Thanks to Ash, who is amazing!

I walked silently into the busy café that I had chosen specifically for it's popularity; the more witnesses the better. That ought to keep Billy Darley in check. God, what was I thinking? Billy wasn't going to be the same cruel man he was all those years ago, he couldn't be could he? Alex walked beside me silently, his eyes scanning the room for Billy. We both saw him sitting in the corner booth with Joe, staring down at a mug of coffee, his hand held a cigarette that he didn't seem to be smoking.

My best friends fingers gave mine a gentle squeeze before coughing awkwardly to announce our presence. I slid into the booth first so that I was facing Joe. Before either parties had had time to speak an eager waitress with far too much make-up came over to take our orders.

"Coffee, black." I said quietly to her.

Billy sharp eyes caught mine as he stubbed his cigarette out. "You never used to take your coffee black," he commented his gaze holding mine.

"People change," The waitress placed my coffee in front of me, breaking the electrical staring that was taking place. "At least, I hope they do," I muttered into my lap, pushing some of my dark hair out of my face.

There was silence for a what seemed a long while before Alex spoke up awkwardly. "Why don't you discuss what you came here too?"

Billy shot him a stinking look. A look of pure hate. I sucked in a deep breath before looking into his hard cold eyes and speaking confidently. "Right, you want to see the twins. You see them on my terms okay? You do not come by the apartment, we'll meet you in a public place." I stressed the word _public. _"You do not promise them anything, anything! I don't want any of your scumbag friends there," he began glaring at me. "Just you and Joe; I want no mention of drugs or guns or anything else like that. I don't want them to know anything about your life."

He seemed speechless. "Done."

I bent down so that I was face to face with the twins; the wind blew both their mousy brown hair around their perfectly shaped heads. They both looked at me expectantly, curious as to where I was taking them. "Today uncle Alex and I are taking you to the park-" Ronnie interrupted me.

"Is aunt Michelle coming too?" Her eyes lit up excitedly.

"No she isn't sweetie," Michelle wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of me bringing Billy into the twins lives. "But uncle Joey will be there," I smiled. "And someone will be coming to meet you there too. Remember you were asking about your father, well I managed to get in hold of him and he really want's to meet you guys."

Ronnie smiled and headed towards the door. "You okay little man?" I asked Jake quietly, smoothing his soft hair. He stayed silent; "If you want to leave at any time you just let me know." He smiled then before chasing after his sister.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I practically stumbled out of the car; my nerves were totally on edge and it hurt to know I was breaking every promise I had made to myself and the twins when they were newborns. I knew it was in their best interest to meet Billy, even if they didn't stay in contact they'd be glad they had met him at least once, wouldn't they? The thought of them resenting me in the future for keeping their biological father out of their lives was almost too much to take, and that was just thinking about it, imagine if they did do it.

The thought of them rejecting me, resenting me made me want to cry. I realise now how much I must of hurt my mother over the years, and she was so good with the kids and me now. Now that George was six foot under.

Crunchy brown leaves blew in the air menacingly as we walked across the quiet room hand in hand. Jake and Ronnie held hands in-between Alex and myself. I looked around the large park where I had arranged to meet Billy and Joe, but only found Billy sitting alone on a wooden bench, other parents eyeing him warily.

As we got closer I could feel Ronnie pulling away from us to get to the small climbing frame, I told her she could go and play soon. Billy's icy eyes narrowed in on the four of us, we probably looked like a happy family to an outsider who didn't know the man I was with was engaged to my best friend. As we got closer Billy stood up and I had no idea what to say, Billy seemed pretty speechless too.

Ronnie and Jakes large engaging blue eyes looked up at me expectantly when we were two feet away from Billy. I breathed in deeply and told myself I was doing the right thing before turning to look at the twins innocent faces. "Sweetheart's this is your daddy," I said nervously. "Say hi."

I glanced up as the twins faces turned to their father. Ronnie smiled brightly and smoothed her silky hair down. "Hello, I'm Veronica," She was already sick of having a 'boys' name. "And this is my little brother Jake." She was so used for speaking for the both of them. "Are you gonna' play with us?"

Billy looked down at her as she spoke with softness in his eyes. Was that possible? "Sure I am, kid." Ronnie began dancing off towards the climbing frame. "Ya coming' buddy?" Little Jake just nodded before following his little sister.

I turned to Billy and smiled, I had to be amicable and forget what happened in the past. "Where's Joe?"

"He had stuff to do," he murmured. "Alex," He nodded to my best friend who had been standing in the background.

"Billy," Alex replied dryly.

Before anyone had a second to say anything a loud "Daddy" came from a the swings. Ronnie wanted Billy to push her. She called him as if she had been calling him since she could talk, it came so natural to her. Not so much for Jake. Billy smiled almost shyly before shoving the sleeves of his long sleeved shirt up to his elbows and jogging off towards the swings.

Alex and I sat down on the bench and watched as Billy pushed Ronnie on the swing. We were both watching like hawks. "Have you heard from Steve?" Alex asked, his eyes never leaving the swings.

My eyes scanned from Jake on the climbing frame to Billy pushing Ronnie. "No, he didn't get my address before we moved so he can't write; I did call his sister and let her know our new address and she said he has been in touch with her so at least I know he's okay. But he hasn't even called me." I could hear Ronnie giggling excitedly.

"He's clearly still angry that I wouldn't marry him. But what did he expect? I've been with him nearly five years and how much time have I spent with him in those years, about five months? The kids don't even remember him when he comes home, and there was no way I was going to uproot to Nevada like he wanted me too, I had to think what was best for the kids, and Chicago was the best thing for them where their family is." I raved, I missed him but if he couldn't understand why I wouldn't marry him maybe he didn't know me. Maybe I didn't even now him.

Alex called out for Jake to not be so rough with another child then turned to me. "You know I like Steve right? But your ready to commit as long as the person is home a lot more, but your not meeting anyone while you still call Steve your partner."

"That's true, I'll never meet anyone whilst I wait around for him to leave the marines. I don't think he calls me his other half now anyway, after all it has been two months with no contact. That's long, even by his standards."

Just as Billy was lifting Ronnie out of the swings Jake came running over to me complaining that he wanted to play his sister.

"Ronnie," I called over. "Come play nice with your brother please."

As Jake ran off again Alex's pager began buzzing loudly. "Shit! There's been a big emergency at the hospital; I'm going to have to take off you want me to take you home?"

I cringed; I really didn't want to take the kids home from the park just ten minutes after arriving and I was sure Billy would think I was pissing about shoving the kids in his face and then taking them away again so quickly.

Billy was standing beside me now. "Um, I'll call a cab."

"You sure?" Alex asked nervously not wanting to leave me alone with Billy.

"Yeah you go ahead, save some lives." Alex leaned down and kissed me quickly on the head before rushing over and kissing both kids quickly then headed towards his car.

Billy sat down beside me, he leant forward so that he leaned on his knees whilst he lit his cigarette. "Ya still smoke?"

I glanced at him quickly before turning back to the kids who were playing tag now. "Occasionally, I try not to smoke in front of the kids though." I noticed he took one last drag of his cigarette before tossing it away from him, I couldn't help but smirk. "You know I named Ron after your mother right?" I asked curious.

His dark brows knitted together. "Yeah. I don't see why, you didn't know her."

I huffed. "Well I thought it would be nice since Jake's named after my dad; but I guess you don't remember his name, you never listened when I spoke," the accusations came so easily.

I could feel Billy's hard glare on my face but I didn't look at him, I continued to look at the kids running around freely. The wind was growing colder and I pulled my jacket closer to me knowing I'd have to take the kids home soon.

"So next time, do you want to meet somewhere more social so you can get to know them better?"

He nodded quickly and we arranged to meet for food in a couple days time. "Come on you two the cab's gonna' be here now."

Ronnie giggled as she ran over to usher hair billowing around her head. Jake however ran up to the swings and tried to climb onto them. "Jake come on please!" I yelled but he continued to ignore me. I rubbed my head knowing what was going to happen. "Stay with your father," It was so hard to say that.

I rushed over to him and told him once more it was time to leave but he ignored me. "Jakey come on, don't play up for mommy," I practically begged.

He glared at me, his eyes the exact same shape and colour of his fathers. "I don't want to go home."

"We've got to sweetie, it's getting cold so let's go." I went to grab his wrist to lead him away when he suddenly starting roughly tugging, his face getting redder and redder. When I wouldn't let go of him he threw his fist at me and began screaming at me. He pinched my legs hard and as I tried to bend down to pick him up he grabbed my hair and began yanking so that I was shouting at him to let go. He slapped my head hard too. As I was pushing him away he was suddenly pulled away with one last yank of my hair.

Billy held him in his strong arms and Jake thrashed against him hard, tears running down his face. Once he realised that he wasn't going to be able to get away from the steel grip Billy held him in he began screaming loudly for me and I instinctively pulled him out of Billy's arms into my own.

He cried against my chest and I smoothed his hair knowing I shouldn't let him get away with his tantrums, especially when he hit out.

I could see Billy judging him, comparing him to Ronnie. "It's not his fault," I almost sobbed upset that this had happened today of all days. "He's sick." I quickly walked away, Jake's heavy weight in my hand, whilst Ronnie held the other tightly though she turned as she walked to wave goodbye to Billy. In the corner of my eye I could see him waving back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The bar was crowded and noisy as Billy made his way through it, a cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth. An old Led Zep song played in the background and a group of hussy's danced sexily to it; as Billy approached his usual table the girls all stared over giggling.

Billy rubbed his head as Bodie put a beer and shot in front of him; he shot the whiskey back and threw a dirty look at Heco who was laughing loudly and annoyingly with some cheap whore on his lap.

"So how was it man?" Bodie asked whilst clapping Billy on the back.

He eyed the people around him suspiciously before turning to face Bodie. "It was fuckin' strange man, she-," he wiped under his nose roughly. "Ronnie, she was calling me dad from the fuckin' get go. It was crazy, she wanted me to push her on the swings and play tag with her."

"What about your boy ?" Bodie asked with a genuine smile plastered across his face; he was glad his friend was seeing his children, but he couldn't help but feel their was an ulterior motive. There usual was.

Billy lit himself another cigarette before turning to Bodie and swigging his beer. "I don't know man he was real quiet then when the time came to leave he had a fucking shit fit, was yanking at Trish' hair and hitting her in the face. She couldn't break his fucking grip and how old is he? Nearly five, it was fucking insane like he was out of it, and then she said he was sick. I don't know what the fuck it is though-"

Dog who had been sitting there skinning up a spliff and who had been listening to their conversation piped in. "What like a fuckin' retard?"

Billy's deathly glare slowly turned on Dog. Did he fucking hear right? Because if he had the shit was most definitely about to hit the fan. Who the fuck did he think he was? Did he think it was fucking okay to insult Billy's son, his fucking blood.

Where the fuck was his loyalty? He was meant to be Billy's boy, his fucking friend. Well Billy wouldn't think of him as that when he fucking knocked him out. Before anyone had any idea of what was going Billy was on his feet and the table was flipped over, glasses and flew everywhere and alcohol spewed across the room. Billy gripped Dog's neck and yanked him out of his chair, tobacco and skins falling into the puddles that were forming on the floor; he threw Dog viciously against the wall; everyone sucked in a sharp breath as Dog's head bounced against the wall.

"What the fuck?" Dog wailed loudly, fear evident across his scarred features.

Billy tightened his grip around the other man's neck. "Ya disrespecting me Jimmy?" Billy growled, calling Dog by his real name. "Coz' if you are ya know things are going to get real fuckin' ugly. Ya fuckin' cheek my family like ya are fuckin' someone. Ya need to learn your fuckin' place." He kneed him in the stomach before throwing him down onto the floor and then kicking him repeatedly in the ribs. Each kick showing everyone in the room not to fuck with Billy's new found family.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Hello, sorry it's been so long.

Thanks to Ash who's amazing!

Please review, constructive criticism is more than welcome : D

It took me a couple of minutes to get the guts to step inside. I tugged at my navy shirt nervously; it would be like stepping through a foggy haze into my past life. Would I see the same people? Or would there be new people playing out our past characters? Would there be a preppy girl working the bar or would she be stumbling around wasted? Would there be a new gang there, new up and coming faces playing poker and drinking whiskey?

I had been considering coming and visiting Rachel for awhile now; hey why not? Billy was more than well aware that I was back in Chicago now, I was seeing him twice a week. It bothered me how easily he slipped back into my life.

The smoke hit me instantly and it sucked me into old memories of staggering around with a cigarette dangling from my lip, ash falling down my low cut top and me being too out of it to notice. Bad times. I coughed automatically, my part time smoker lungs not used to this kind of heaviness in the air anymore.

Automatically I glanced down towards the tables where Billy used to sit with his gang of mutts; quickly I turned my head back towards the bar and stepped forward, not wanting to draw attention to myself. A girl with long dirty blonde hair faced the shelf with all the sprits, texting eagerly on her cell. "Could I get a vodka, straight," I said with a huge grin on my face; she stopped texting for a moment before turning around slowly a sly smirk on her face before letting out a loud squeal of excitement. She stomped her feet whilst howling and then ran around the counter and grabbed me in a tight embrace; her hair brushed my face as she murmured "I can't believe it's you,".

My eyes glanced towards the table where Billy and the guy's sat they all watched the scene with wide eyes trying to remember who I was. Bodie had a huge smile plastered across his face. Billy had a blonde on his lap who he quickly shuffled off; she looked confused and hurt, not to mention stoned.

Billy's eyes sparkled with curiosity as I hugged Rachel back tightly. "What the hell are you doing here?" Rachel yelled looking into my muddy eyes. "I didn't think you'd want to see me after the way I treated you before you took off. Oh my God you look great!" She pulled away and stared into my wide eyes. "Oh when do I get to meet the little ones? Why didn't you tell me before you left I could've helped-"

Rachel abruptly stopped speaking as Billy began to saunter over to me.

"I didn't realise you had been proclaiming to the world your new found status as a father," I challenged trying to sound nonchalant; it was definitely best to try and keep on Billy's good side, keep things friendly for the kids sake. He ignored my comment and gazed down and me with narrowed eyes.

"What ya doing here?" he asked gruffly; I could see the gang eyeing us every few seconds probably wondering what was about to go down. They'd seen enough showdowns between Billy and I to last a lifetime.

I tucked my newly coloured hair behind my shoulder (seeing as my brunette disguise didn't work I went back blonde) and looked up at him with equally narrowed eyes. "I came to see Rachel, why else?"

Billy glanced from side to side but before anything else was said Baggy seemed to be beside him. "Trish," he acknowledged; Billy stiffened. "Let's go Rach', Tina's here to pick your shift up."

Rachel glanced at her watch quickly before grimacing. "Shit, look I got to go," she scribbled her number on my hand with eyeliner. "Call me, I really got to go." She grabbed me in another quick embrace before turning and walking out Baggy sauntering behind her, looking almost disappointed. I stared back after her puzzled, what the hell was that about? As I turned back I noticed the blonde stoned girl staring daggers in my direction. I wondered if Bodie had let her know that I was Billy's baby mama. I cringed at the thought.

"Ya got a ride home?" Billy asked as he lit himself a cigarette; the bar had began to feel very uncomfortable since Rachel's bright personality had left.

"I'll call a cab," I mumbled glancing around the room feeling like all eyes were on me. I peeked up from under my lashes to find Billy gazing down at me, his blue eyes intent. His scar across his nose had lightened over the years and his presence had intensified, especially in his own territory it felt massive and made me feel tiny.

"I'll take ya," Billy said with as much enthusiasm as a wet rag.

My eyes widened uncontrollably. "No, a cab would be best."

Billy let out a squall of smoke. "You won't get a cab for at least half an hour, ya wanna fuckin' stay here?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first few minutes of the journey seemed to trail along forever and I kept my eyes focused on the road ahead, my hair shielded my face.

"The twins' are going to be in their school's Christmas concert; Jake's a wise man and Ronnie's an angel," I said trying to make conversation. "She wanted to be Mary of course but I told her that being an angel is great because now she can show everyone how she's her mommy and daddy's angel."

Billy's eyes swept across my face suddenly before speaking up, a croak in his voice. "Where are they tonight?"

"There with my neighbour Gracie; she knew I wanted to come and see Rachel so she very kindly offered to have the kids overnight."

Billy was silent for a while, his jaw was tight though and he gripped the steering wheel tightly. "So ya' don't think ya should of stayed with them on your night off?"

My eyes narrowed in on his scarred face. " Excuse me? What the hell are you suggesting?"

Billy voice was angry and domineering; I wanted to slap him hard. Jerk. "I'm just saying you get like two nights off a week and you choose to spend one with someone ya don't even know anymore!"

"Are you trying to say I'm a bad mother?" I demanded, my voice fierce. " Because I am fucking warning you, you really don't want to go down that road with me right now!" Billy shut up then, his jaw tight. I was raging. "I notice you still spend your nights drinking in the bar; I don't see you offering to baby-sit so that I can have some time to myself-" Billy interrupted me.

"You need more time to yourself? The twins are dumped with anyone you can dump them on so you can get away-"

I was literally about to punch him. "I dump them on people?" I yelled, my voice loud and filled with anger. "I would love to spend all of my time with them, but I cant afford to. I work so that they can have a decent life so that we can eat! You don't seem to be offering to help us financially."

"You want me to fucking help?" Billy roared as he dug in his wallet, he pulled out a couple of twenties and threw them at me so that they hit me in the face. "There's your fucking help."

_RING RING RING_

I dug in my pocket irritably digging for my cell; I tossed my hair over my shoulder, and yanked my phone out of my bag. "Hello, Grace what's wrong?" I listened intently as she spoke quickly down the phone quickly. "Is he okay? Oh my God, yeah I'll be there right away." I hung up quickly and turned to be Billy with tears in my eyes. "I need you to take me to the hospital, its Jake he had a seizure and fell down on the hard floor," the tears started rolling. "He's in the ambulance now."

Billy stayed silent as he did a handbrake turn in the middle of the road and began speeding in the other direction towards the hospital. "What's wrong with him anyway?" Billy murmured.

My eyes narrowed at him through my tears. "There is nothing _wrong _with him!"

Billy glanced at me, his eyes unreadable. "C'mon Trish, he's my kid I think you can fuckin' tell me why he has seizures and shit."

I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes, almost as if that would make it easier to speak about. In all honesty I had come to terms with Jake's medical problems years before, it was something that I had to deal with, so that he could. But I had avoided any conversation about Jake's health with Billy in the last few weeks; it was hard to speak about it with someone who you partly blamed for your son's illnesses.

"Jake suffers with Epilepsy and ADHD, he get's seizures that are knows as Tonic- Clonic seizures which make him go ridged so if he's standing up," I sobbed, "He's going to fall. He's so tired and confused after them it makes me wonder how he'll ever be able to live a normal life." Tears streamed my face now.

Billy jaw was tight and his arms were stiff on the wheel.

"I mean what happens when he's older and gets a girlfriend? He'll have a seizure and wee himself and they'll laugh at him I know they will," I continued to cry my head in my hands.

"He'll get better by then," Billy murmured unsure of what to say. He reach out to touch my shoulder but I shrugged him off.

I looked at him then, really looked at him for the first time in years. He could see right through me, how much I was hurting, aching, pining. How much I worried and needed someone. I wasn't strong enough to do this on my own, I was stupid for thinking that I could for a second.

"Don't!" I held a hand up at him ready to slap him away if he tried to comfort me again. "Not when we did this to him, not when we hurt my baby so much." I wiped the tears away trying to compose myself, realising this was not the time to become an emotional wreck. Not in front of Billy. "Why did we have to party so hard Billy? Why did you beat me?-"

"Ya fucked my father, how was I supposed to act?" he demanded, Billy Darley did not take the blame for anything. He looked lifeless, his face looked dull and empty. No emotion crept over it; it was life he had flicked a switch refusing to believe a thing that I said. Refusing to acknowledge that it was our fault.

"You must realise after all this time that I did it for us? That I never wanted Bones, I only ever wanted you!" I exclaimed, wanting him to believe me. Billy ran a calloused hand over his head as he ran a red light. " Do you know what I did when I left you?" I swear I saw Billy flinch. "I laid on a bed and cried; cried for fucking days, because although I knew I had done the right thing I still wanted to die because I couldn't be with you. And then I cried some more because withdrawals kicked in and part of me wanted to claw the babies out of my stomach, come crawling back to you and do a nice big line off your chest. So don't act like you're the victim here okay? I was forced to leave you, you forced me."

Billy eyes were raging at me; I didn't realise how easily the conversation had turned. "How the fuck did I force ya? Did I force ya to suck Bones dick?" It felt like he had slapped me hard across the face. "I didn't make ya get blown out every night, ya fuckin' left because you were scared."

"Yeah scared of _you_," I spat. Billy was just about to retaliate when I interrupted him. "I don't want to talk about this, my little boy is in the hospital this is the last thing I want to talk about," I exclaimed, one of my hands gripping my hair.

Billy was silent for awhile making me relax a little, well as much as I could in the current situation. Three quarters of me just wanted to get to the hospital, the other quarter just wanted to kick Billy in the face. If one person in the world could bring out the rawest emotions in someone it would be Billy Darley. Whilst I stared down at my lap Billy glanced over to me every few seconds, I could feel his eyes burning holes into me.

"Our son," Billy grumbled, his voice coarse.

"What?" I snapped, my jaw clenched. I really didn't need him starting again.

"I said he's our fuckin' son, not yours, ours."

I sucked in a sharp breath and decided to stay quiet for the rest of the journey or I was going to kill him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I charged into the hospital in a half run, Billy sauntered almost casually through the door and into the lobby, I was already in a heated debate with the receptionist by the time he appeared.

"What do you mean you can't tell me where he is? He's my son!" I declared, almost leaning over the counter; I glared at the male receptionist who had short dark hair and thick rimmed black glasses.

"Unless you have ID," He was completely untroubled by me standing there yelling, he just continued typing away like he didn't have a fucking care in the world.

I slammed my hands down on the counter. "I don't have ID on me," Billy placed a controlling hand on my shoulder and I turned to look at him, begging him to do something with my eyes.

"Listen, tell us where our kid is," Billy demanded in a threatening low voice. The receptionist looked up then, but I think he was looking at us as a couple, since that's how Billy had made it sound like. And we certainly didn't look like a couple.

The receptionist began mumbling about ID again but Billy reached over and yanked the guy up by the scruff, he shut up then.

"Ya better tell me where my boy is or I'm going start to get fuckin' mad," Billy's head was tilted to the side and his eyes looked crazy.

"Um, um, what's his name again? I need his uhh, name." The guy stuttered; Billy loosened his grip so that the receptionist could reach his keys.

"Jake Darley," I said, my eyes burning into the guy itching for an answer.

The guy stared at his screen for a few moments before giving us the directions we both so earnestly craved.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I rushed through a blue floor length curtain, almost getting tangled in it as I charged, into a small room with an adjustable bed; Jake sat on the edge a doctor leaning over him giving him stitches. I gasped in horror, my poor baby.

Grace sat next to Jake holding his hand, Ronnie and Gracie's son Cody were sat on the chair in the corner. Cody was sleeping.

I stormed straight towards Jake, he smiled sloppily at me.

"Daddy," Ronnie yelled tackling Billy and scrambling up into his arms whilst he still walked forward towards Jake. If I weren't so concerned about Jake it would of ruined me watching Ronnie run for Billy instead of me.

Grace immediately looked at Billy and a small smile tugged at her lips. She had heard so much about him, to a point I guess. I'd never mentioned that he tried to force me to have an abortion, or that he fucked someone else with me in the next room.

"Honey, are you okay?" I asked impatiently, my voice manic. "Is he going to be okay?" I turned to the doctor who smiled kindly at me. I didn't move my hands from Jake's cheeks though I could feel him squirming a little.

"He's going to be fine, I don't think there's a concussion but I'd keep him up for the next five or six hours just encase." The old doctor looked down at Jake now. "You should be proud he was very brave."

Jake's wide blue eyes looked up at me his smile impressively large. "You could see my brain mom, it was so cool."

"How many stitches?" I asked impatiently, inspecting the doctor's handiwork with a very critical eye.

"Seven," the doctor replied, putting his needle down and taking off his gloves.

Billy stepped forward then, his arms still clutching Ronnie, she had her head nestled in the crook of his neck. "You okay, kid?"

"Yeah," Jake spoke quietly. He had got better with Billy, but he had definitely not got the instant bond with him that Ronnie did. I don't think I'd heard Jake call Billy dad once.

"Grace, thank you so much you've been brilliant," I said genuinely trying to keep my eyes off Billy who was having a quiet conversation with Ron, she giggled loudly. "This is Billy, and this is my neighbour Grace."

Billy nodded his head at Grace before attempting to make conversation with Jake.

Grace flipped her long blonde hair our of her face. "I'm going to take off, Cody's dad's picking him up at four AM to go fishing. I know, stupid but that means I better get him home and I bet your going to have to stick around awhile to fill out forms." She lifted Cody up into her arms, staggering a little under the weight. Billy's muscled arm reached out and steadied her.

"Are you sure?" Grace nodded and smiled and walked out, when she was behind Billy she turned and looked at me and mouthed 'wow' about Billy. Oh shit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Billy drove us home, the atmosphere was completely different to the drive to the hospital. Nobody spoke but me to Jake, trying to keep him awake whenever he began to doze; Ronnie was sleeping like a baby.

The drive didn't take too long with all the stuff I had running through my mind. I hated that Billy was apart of the kids lives, was jealous of his relationship with Ronnie, she had only known him five minutes and she was putty in his hands. It's terrible, I know, but when Jake doesn't show much enthusiasm when we go out with Billy, it's hard for me not to smile. I had a huge feeling I was going to regret ever coming back to Chicago, and sometimes wanted to runaway again, but there's no way I could take them away from him now, I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't do that to Ronnie.

Billy slipped back into my life so easily, too easily. We'd meet him for lunch or to go to the playground and at first I sat there silently, just chaperoning the twins during their visit, but then he'd start talking to me too, and we'd be laughing about something that happened years ago. I'd only realise as soon as I got home that all the good memories I had with Billy were quickly followed with bad ones.

And Steve still hadn't been in touch; he was definitely done with me. I'd feel so much more comfortable with this whole Billy thing if Steve stood beside me. Then I could convince myself that the nervous butterflies in my stomach before seeing him were angst type nerves, not excited ones. I didn't know how I felt about those feelings.

I knew I'd always love Billy, of course I would he gave me my children, but, I hadn't realised how much love was buried deep down inside me until I'd come face to face with him on a regular occurrence.

He drove down my street steadily, which was a strange for him, and then I realised he'd drove all the way back to my apartment without once asking for directions. I tried to not let that bother me.

"Ya want me to carry her up?" he asked gruffly turning around in his seat and seeing Ronnie dribbling on her shoulder.

I looked at her sleeping form, their's no way I'd be able to get her up five floors. "That would be great. Thanks."

Billy immediately got out of the car and scooped Ronnie into his arms. We walked silently upstairs to my apartment which Billy entered casually after me, his eyes scanning the place, taking everything in.

"Follow me," I said taking Billy up the small flight of steps towards the twin's room. He laid her gently down in the bed, and I went and tucked her in, pushing her hair out of her face and kissing her head softly. "You want a beer?" I asked politely as we headed back down the stairs; as much as the guy infuriated me I couldn't lie and say he hadn't been good all night, because I would have been screwed if he wasn't with me. Or at least his car weren't.

Billy nodded his head quietly and followed me into the kitchen where Jake was rummaging in the fridge. I leaned down so that I was Jake's height and began smothering him in kisses, he laughed loudly before I blew a raspberry on his cheek and began speaking. "How about you little man go and play your games console and I'll make you a sandwich and a drink." He nodded happily kissing me on the cheek before running eagerly passed Billy into the living room.

Sugary drinks were the key to keeping him awake for a few hours. "Ya got a nice place," Billy commented taking a swig of the Bud I had just handed to him. I nodded quietly as I buttered the bread for Jake's sandwich. "I didn't know they were Darleys." I turned around to look at him, confusion washed across my face. "I mean I thought you'd given them your surname, not mine."

Slowly I turned back to the bread. "Well I had to give them something of yours. Plus, I figured if we ever moved back home and they had to go to a school in the rough part of the city the name might scare bully's off."

He was silent for awhile, but I tried my best to pay no attention to him as I sliced cheese for Jake. "Thank you," Billy all but whispered in my ear. I jumped at the sound of his voice, I hadn't realised he was so close. His hand rested on my shoulder, I was shocked stiff. "I got to head out," he caressed my shoulder for the smallest of seconds before turning and leaving.

He was gone before I could turn around.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm so sorry this chapter took so long, I admit I've been concentrating on my other DS fic, which way easier to write because Billy is just a jerk like constantly in it lol.**

**Anyway thanks to everyone who reviewed last time, please review again and let me know your thoughts. **

Joe's mouth roamed Margo's naked form; his hands gripped her hips with such intensity she was sure he would mark her. Her breath caught in her mouth as he began nibbling at her throat his hands gripping her even tighter.

Margo slung her head back and closed her eyes, feeling Joe's weight being lifted before he rolled over taking her with him. She smiled down at him loving the way he lazily smiled up at her, his eyes half closed in pleasure. He panted deeply as a bead of sweat ran down his chest but it quickly turned it a moan as Margo dug her nails into him.

Joe's hands began to roam from Margo's thigh upwards past her stomach and onto her small bosom; she moaned loudly before gripping his hands and forcing them down behind his head. He loved it when she took control.

_RING RING RING_

Both of them ignored the loud ringing until it became unbearable. Joe grunted loudly before lifting Margo off him and placing her on the bed.

"Baby leave it," Margo pleaded as Joe began walking around the room nude looking for his cell.

Eventually Joe found his jeans and could feel his phone vibrating in the pocket, he quickly snagged it and held it to his ear.

Margo sat irritably up in bed, her eyes wide telling Joe to come back to bed, but he held a finger in the air. Her puckered mouth opened wide; she was not amused even more so when he mouthed to her that it was Trish.

With an exaggerated groan she rolled over onto her side and yanked the quilt over her. Joe was so not getting any now.

"Listen babe, I got to take off. I won't be long," Joe mumbled as he slipped his pants on.

Margo didn't bother to look at him. "Don't bother coming back."

Joe sucked in a sharp breath, his head spinning. "Don't be like this okay? It's Trish she's stranded and needs a ride home, okay?"

"So she's more important than me now huh?" Margo spat bitterly from her bed her eyes stuck on the wall.

"Oh don't even fuckin' start Mar, ya know she's like a sister to me, I'm not gonna' leave her on some street on her own." Before Margo could reply Joe was out of the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I sat down on the curb outside the wine bar I worked in a few nights a week and ran a hand through my silky hair. Why did I tell my boss I'd be okay waiting for my cab alone; I should of got the ride home with him, but I really didn't want to encourage his come on's, especially after last time. But me being stupid I had left my purse inside and hadn't realised until my cab had turned up; and now I was stranded.

I couldn't phone Michelle she already had the kids and I knew Alex was working nights so he'd have the car and my mom didn't drive. Billy or Joe were my last option, I had gone for the latter.

A low rumble roared down the street and automatically my ears perked up. I was freezing and the thought of getting into a warm car thrilled me.

The black mustang squealed to a stop right in front of me and Joe got out of the passenger seat. Fuck, who was driving? Like I had to ask.

I stood up, my ankles sore from the cold and headed for the car.

"Billy had the car," Joe easily explained, slipping into the backseat so that I could ride up front.

I slid into car slamming the door behind me, and rubbing my hands trying to warm them up. "Hey," I mumbled before turning around so that I was facing Joe. "I'm sorry for ringing you Joe, I had no one else. I hope I didn't interrupt anything important."

Joe laughed sluggishly, "you could say that, but it don't matter." I smiled lovingly at him.

"I have like another favour to ask then." I looked at Billy now too who was smoking a cigarette casually, the smoke filling the car. "My key's were in my purse so I'm locked out, could one of you guys climb my fire escape and try and get in through the window, hopefully the lock wont be on."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Trish, I told ya, ya aint getting in here tonight. Who's got a spare key"? Joe yelled from my fire escape, his arms straining as he yanked at my window.

Fuck. Where was I going to sleep?

Billy looked down at me, his nose turning slightly red in the cold.

"Michelle, but she'll be up in a couple of hours with the kids and to head to work. I don't really want to wake her." I tugged at my shirt nervously.

"Come stay with us for the night," Billy grumbled lighting a cigarette and shoving it deep into his mouth,

I blinked a few times at him before registering what he had said. "No I don't think that's such a great idea."

"Where else you going?" I had a feeling this would end badly.

The three of us piled into the car and headed down towards Southie. Shit I really needed to give Grace a spare key in case of emergencies.

"Could you drop me off at Margo's?" Joe asked Billy nonchalantly. I shot a glare at him. "Or I could stay…"

"No, it's fine if you want to go you go, Joey." I really didn't want Billy to think I was scared of going back to his apartment alone with him, though truthfully I was.

Before I realised it we were dropping Joe off at his girlfriend's place, and I was wondering what the hell I had got myself into.

The car ride was mostly silent apart from Billy grumbling along to old rock songs that came onto the radio, it reminded me of when we used to go on long drives to deliver to peoples house. People who of course were willing to pay for us to drive all the way there, and who would probably get robbed the very next week.

We pulled up outside the same apartment building that Billy had lived in years before and I found it strangely weird that I was able to walk into it with such ease. I know I shouldn't of been able to.

Billy's door had more locks on it than I remembered but eventually he got them all done and we walked through.

It was basically the same, it didn't look like I'd left. The stained creamed walls were still the same boring dull colour, the ruined black leather couch was the same. I'm sure the table and chairs were the same too. Though I think he'd upgraded to a bigger TV.

He took his leather jacket off immediately and slung it over one of the chairs showing off his strong bare arms, he had a black vest on, his silver cross hanging over it as usual. It was like he hadn't changed; I really hoped his morals had though.

Billy headed over to his old fridge which hummed quietly in the background, when he bent down I could see his boxers and that made me sigh. Shit, I needed to get laid.

But preferably not by Billy.

No matter how sculpted his arms looked.

Or how low his jeans seemed to be falling.

Somebody needed to slap me.

I sat down quickly as Billy handed me a beer, yelling at myself in my head, Billy took a seat opposite me.

"Ya okay?" Billy asked, his voice gruff and seductive. Oh My God get a fucking grip!

"Yeah," I smiled sipping at my beer. "Just a lot of memories that's all."

"Not all good," Billy commented nodding once. He quickly yanked his cigarettes out of his jeans pocket before lighting one and slipping the packet over to me. I took one out and lit it up.

I bit my lip anxiously. "No. But most of them were good," I lied.

It was silent for a long time before Billy cleared his throat and stubbed out his cigarette. "Ya know I loved ya right?" he murmured.

My breath caught in my throat for a moment, what was I supposed to say to that?

"I guess you did, in your own way," I replied. "I think you found it hard to show it though."

He nodded briefly again.

"I hope you realise that besides the whole Bones thing, which I did for you, I would never of dreamed of cheating on you."

He didn't reply, I think he knew that whatever he had to say would only result in a raging argument.

His eyes shut for a few moments before he looked at me again, his eyes all intense and dangerous.

"Listen I got some shit to do. Ya go crash in my room, I'll take the couch." Billy said whilst standing up and shrugging on his jacket. I stood up awkwardly as he left staring around the old apartment that had my head swimming in memories that had my eyes brimming with tears.

This was definitely not a good idea.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I woke early and found myself laying in my old bed, Billy's bed, for what seemed like hours unsure of what to do. I didn't know if Billy had a girlfriend or wife even (I was pretty sure he wasn't married) so I didn't want to just stroll on through to the living room waking up the happy couple. They might be spooning on the couch, I thought bitterly.

I slapped myself hard mentally. I didn't want Billy, not an inch of me did, I knew he was bad news. But the thought of him laying on that couch, his strong arms wrapped around another girl made me a resentful old hag. I put it down to needing a good lay, missing Steve and over thinking things. I hadn't stopped thinking since I'd entered Billy's apartment; I was going over what had happened, how things could of gone differently and what my life would be like if I had gone through with the abortion.

I knew my life wouldn't be worth living.

It was still dark outside and the wind and rain thrashed down; I wondered if we'd get any snow this Christmas? The kids would like that, they loved the snow in New York.

After silently deliberating I poked my head out of the bedroom to nose at who was in the living room; the room was dark, the thick drapes yanked firmly in place and the room smelt like stale smoke. I could barely see it was so dark but could make out Billy's light snores so I tip toed forward willing to see more. I squinted as I walked careful to make no noise; I almost fell over Billy's boots as I past the couch which he was sleeping on to get to the bathroom. Just as I was marvelling in my success of passing Billy without waking him (I was a very polite guest) his strong hand reached up and grabbed my wrist. I couldn't help but suck in a sharp shocked breath.

"Where ya goin'?" Billy hoarsely asked. His hands were rough and calloused and surprisingly hot, just like I remembered.

I still couldn't see Billy so I just spoke towards my limp wrist that Billy still held gently. "Bathroom," I croaked. He let go immediately and I quickly shuffled into the bathroom closing the door tightly behind me.

The bathroom door squeaked a little as I re-opened it and I was surprised to find the living room lights on and Billy sitting up fully dressed with a cigarette already in his hand.

"You know you keep smoking that heavy and there going to kill you," I commented as I walked back into the room.

Billy sniggered and smiled, almost finding my words of warning amusing. He looked up at me and said, "yeah, im counting on it," before taking another long drag and blowing the smoke out in my direction, his eyes never leaving me.

"Listen," I said wanting to break the awkward silence that was forming. "Christmas is like a week and a half away and I was wondering if you and Joe haven't got any other plans if you'd like to come to mine for Christmas lunch." He stared at me his eyebrows raised, his cigarette dangling from his lip. "I mean you don't have to, obviously, it's just Chelle and Alex are going to visit some of Alex's family in Canada, and my mom's having lunch with her sister-in-law. So it's just me and the kids," I was rambling now, "I thought you might like to since it'll be your first Christmas with them and I think Ronnie would love-"

"We'll be there," he grumbled rubbing his head. I hope I wasn't giving him a headache. He definitely wasn't used to this much noise at six thirty in the morning. "I don't remember ya ever being this chirpy in the morning's before."

I smiled widely, amused by his grogginess. "That was before I had to get up with two very hyper children every day for school. They make you either really chirpy or want to cry." I looked down at him, feeling a familiar ache for him, it made me cross my legs.

"Yeah, so does speed." Billy mumbled to himself whilst rubbing his eyes.

I raised my eyebrow's at him, the reality of Billy Darley crashing down around me. How could I ogle him knowing what he was like? Knowing from first hand experience what he was capable of? He was still a drug dealer, and well that might of only been off putting years ago it was a terrifying thought now as a mother. Would he give drugs to the twins in a couple of years if they wanted them? Would he have them working the streets like Bones' had him? It was bad enough that he was in my children's lives but I was looking at him and thinking about him in my pants. That would never end well, would probably end with me in a pool of blood begging for my children's lives.

Billy Darley was bad news. He was bad news five years ago, and he was bad news now. I knew that better than anyone else.

So why was I still look at him with lustful devoted eyes? I was fucked up in the head.

"Could you give me a ride home?" I was going to ring Michelle immediately and beg for her to swing by with my spare key. No good would come with me spending more time alone with Billy Darley.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jake don't hit your sister," I scolded over the dinner table putting my knife and fork down and staring straight into Jake's eyes, trying to tell him it was not the time or the place.

I had spent hours cooking a full Christmas lunch with all the trimmings, wanting it to be perfect, and now that we had finally sat down to eat Jake had decided that he wasn't hungry and wanted to go and play with his new toys, even though he had been nagging for two hours that he was starving.

Billy watched silently as Jake turned away from Ronnie who sat with her bottom lip jutted out, trying not to cry.

Joe just kept eating like he didn't have a fucking care in the world.

"I don't want food! I want to play-" Jake stormed on before being interrupted by Billy.

He turned to him and grabbed his arm that was about to strike his sister again; Jake turned to glare at Billy but was met with another matching glare as Billy grabbed his other hands before he could hit Billy hard across the chest.

"Listen kid, those new toys can get taken back. Ya want that? Santa to come back and take them away, because he will-"

"Billy," I scolded angry, he let go of Jake's hand and Jake quickly folded his arms across his chest and bowed his head whilst he pouted. "Jake, sweetheart, what your father means is that you can't hit your sister like that. It's not nice baby."

"Okay," Jake mumbled.

"And?" I asked waiting for his reply, shocked that he had given up his relentless nagging and hitting so quickly. Maybe he actually respected Billy enough to listen to him? Or, he was scared of him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly before picking up his small knife and folk again and continuing with his abandoned dinner.

I was so shocked. I couldn't believe it; I had expected Jake to throw a blinder of a tantrum, perhaps throw his plate. But no, he pouted for a couple of minutes before resuming to eat. Sheesh, maybe he really did know he could get away with murder with me.

Ronnie turned to Billy with a curious expression across her young face. "Daddy, if Santa brings all our presents how come he left our bikes at your house? Why didn't he just leave them here so that you and uncle Joey didn't have to bring them over with you. He just created more work, ya think?"

Billy smirked down at his plate, I think he was genuinely stunned and unsure of what to say.

"Ya see Santa has his list of all the good boys and girls, and uhhh well with this list," Billy stuttered along. "Santa probably got confused with the addresses since your mom and uh me made ya guy's in my-" Both Jake and Ronnie's big blue eyes were focused on Billy's.

"Ahem," I coughed shaking my head back and forth, was he just about to go from Santa delivering presents to a talk about how babies are made. I couldn't help but smile, Joe was choking on his turkey he was laughing so much; Billy punched Joe on the leg under the table. "I think what your father is trying to say is that when you open your presents you look so happy it's wonderful to see," Billy sent me a thank you smile. "And Santa knows that your dad doesn't live with us and he knew that it would be nice for your father to see the looks on your faces when you saw that you had to new bikes, so he dropped them off in your fathers so that he could bring them over to you when he came and saw you."

Ronnie huffed. "Santa should of just left a note, we would've waited for Daddy if he'd wanted us too, right Jake?"

"No," Jake replied, shoving his mouth with turkey.

"And anyway," Ronnie rambled on, ignoring her brothers negative comment. "How come daddy doesn't live with us?"

Silence. This was not the type of conversation I was hoping for over the dinner table.

I looked at Billy who looked at me with piercing blue eyes, "yeah mom, how come daddy doesn't live with you?" If looks could kill Billy's bones would be dust.

"Baby, sometimes mommy's and daddy's realise that they don't love each other like they used too and when that happens it's better that they go and live separately."

That was fucking brutal.

"But daddy never lived with us?" Ronnie questioned.

Oh God.

"That's because your father and I made the decision to live apart," Billy scoffed at my lie, "when you were still in my tummy."

Ronnie was silent for a beautiful moment. "Well how come we never saw daddy before now?"

I put my knife and fork down rougher than I had intended and ran a hand through my blonde hair, my eyes tightly shut. I needed a valium or something.

"Because daddy lived far away Ron, now are you done with twenty questions?" I asked sharply, both Billy and Joe eyeing me with amused expressions.

"Yes," she said quietly going back to her food.

"Good. Now eat your vegetables," I said with a smile though all I wanted was for the day to end.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Billy slid his pants up his legs whilst he looked down at the half-asleep blonde laying tangled between pink sheets, her legs were wrapped around them seductively, just revealing the curve of her behind and the sheet draped lazily over her upper half letting a half of her nipple peek out.

He slowly did his belt as he watched her shift on her bed, her long hair fanning out beneath her, the rosy glow of an orgasm still lingering on her soft cheeks.

"Wake up," Billy gruffly commanded as he roughly pulled his shirt over his head.

The pretty woman sighed as she sat up in bed and checked her cell phone. "Leaving so soon?" she asked as she saw the time.

"Listen, me and ya, were done," Billy said quietly, his hands on his hips.

The woman's bright eyes widened. "What? Is this guilt coz' ya fucked that skank from the bar a couple weeks ago? Coz' I don't care, just come back to bed."

"It's not fuckin' guilt," Billy said harshly. "I just don't want ya, I don't want this to go any further than a couple of fucks."

"Than a couple of fucks? Billy we've been fucking for nearly a year now, that is not a couple of fucks. I know were not serious and nobody knows about-"

Billy pulled out a cigarette and lit it up, bringing a small speck of light into the darkened room. "And that's the way I want it to stay, between us."

"Is this because Trish is back on the scene?" her voice was quiet and low.

Billy sucked in a sharp breath. "Yeah it is. I want her back, her and those two little kids belong to me. They should've never been fucking away from me in the first place."

The woman was about to interrupt when Billy leaned down onto the bed and grabbed her face between his strong hand, squeezing her cheeks to stop her from speaking. "I fuckin' love them more than ya could imagine Rachel, and if Trish knew about this, that would be it. She'd probably up and go again, and each one of their lives are worth a lot more than yours and mine together."

He let go of her and stood up again, sucking on his cigarette sharply.

"So this gonna' stay between us?" Billy asked gruffly.

Rachel nodded quietly, "sure Billy." She wasn't stupid enough to disobey him.

**Please please please review and let me know your honest thoughts :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**I know it's been forever! I'm sorry : )**

**Please leave a review for me and I promise to update more often *bats lashes***

**PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!**

I sucked sharply on my cigarette and blew the smoke out of my mouth carelessly, not caring I was standing in my living room. Leaning quickly I flicked my ash out of the opened window before puffing deeply on it again.

The phone held to my ear tightly played cheerful songs from the eighties, it made me want to hang up on their asses.

Michelle hummed happily to herself as she sat cross legged on my floor, her newly dyed red hair bright and warm.

The front door banged loudly, making me jump and flick ash down my shirt. "Fucking fabulous," I muttered as I headed out the hallway to answer my rattling door. Sounded like bailiffs, probably was.

To my surprise Billy stood on the other side of the door.

He stood tall and broad, his penetrating eyes were red and puffy, he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

With my eyebrows bunched up and gestured for him to come in; his mouth opened as though about to speak just as I finally got through the line.

"Oh hi," I said quickly holding a finger up to silence him before walking back into the living room. "Yeah I'm calling about hiring a removal van."

Billy stalked into the living room, his eyes scanning the room quickly before they landed on Michelle; his jaw instantly clenched and he leaned against the wall cockily. Noticing that I was smoking in my apartment, he lit himself a cigarette.

"Tee doesn't like people smoking in here," Michelle said defiantly, her demeanour stiff and tense. She hadn't seen Billy since he'd started seeing the twins, she had flat out refused to be around when he was coming over. Honestly, she thought me letting the kids see him was even stupider than getting knocked up by him.

"_You called the right place then," _the cheerful man on the other end sang. "_Would you like delivery men too, or just the van?"_

Billy glared at Michelle. "I don't think ya noticed sweetheart, but Trish," he emphasised my name. "Is enjoying a smoke right there," he pointed his cigarette clad hand at me, and I narrowed my chocolaty eyes at him. "So I'm gonna' fuckin' enjoy one too."

Oh God, I really didn't want those two having a fight, it was the last thing I needed. I turned my back on them, trying to speak clearly to the man on the other end.

"Yeah, I need removal men too," I commented, running a hand through my sleek hair. I could hear Michelle muttering to herself in the background, and prayed silently that she didn't piss Billy off. All I needed now on top of everything else was to do some damage control.

The chipper man asked for my details and to where I needed my furniture moved before he began adding up the cost.

Annoyingly, he hummed one of the exact eighties songs I had been forced to listen earlier to whilst he did his calculations.

I was pissed off. Infuriated and frustrated. Where was my luck? I seemed to of been down on it since I was born.

In an ideal world, I would've had my kids through a loving marriage, I'd have finished college and would work as an English teacher, I'd have a nice big white house that I'd live in for the rest of my life. I would not be awoken one morning with a letter on my doorstep giving me thirty days to move out of my home.

The landlord was a fucking asshole. He had promised he had not intention to sell, promised that these apartments were for rent or sale. He forgot to mention though the moment somebody wanted to buy my apartment, I was out, gone and forgotten about.

"How much?" I gasped down the line, making both Chelle and Billy turn quickly to look at me. "You know, what. Forget it."

I threw my phone down angrily on the couch and ran a shaky hand through my wayward hair; would anyone ever cut me a break?

"What's all that about?" Billy asked coarsely, flicking his cigarette out of the open window.

"Shit, how much does he want for the job?" Michelle asked, her eyes wide.

"Nearly seven hundred bucks," I slumped down into the couch. "What am I going to do?"

Michelle rubbed my leg comfortingly whilst Billy's confused eyes stared down at me.

"I'm sure we'll manage between the three of us," she didn't sound convinced.

I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. There was no way we'd be able to manage between the three of us, my couch wouldn't even fit in Alex and Chelle's car on it's own let alone with the three of us in it too.

"I'm fucked," I muttered to myself, almost forgetting Billy was standing there.

"Will someone fuckin' tell me what the fuck' is going on?" he asked hoarsely, both his hands on his hips.

Michelle threw a disgusted look at him.

"About a week ago I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I had thirty days to vacate the building." Billy's eyes sharpened. "Apparently he's not renting anymore, he's selling the apartment's off one by one, and this one first." I wanted to punch a wall, why was this happening, now of all times? "I've found another apartment, it's not in as good a neighbourhood, but it's decent." I stood up and walked into the kitchen, Billy following me behind, leaving Chelle in the living room. "I've just got no way to move everything over."

Billy leaned against the unit opposite me; I had no idea what he was thinking, I never did.

"We got a van, I'll have some of the guys come over and help."

My eyes widened realising that would seriously sort out some financial issues. "Oh my God that would be great," I beamed up at him before leaping over wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a big smooch on the cheek.

He seemed surprised at my sudden show of affection, but quickly wrapped his arms around me too, his hands resting on the small of my back. I glanced up, my smile dropping as I realised he was holding me tightly, his eyes glazed over in a way that I remembered.

"Ahem," Michelle coughed from the doorway. I quickly pushed myself backwards, away from him, distancing myself from the inevitable.

"Billy's gonna' help me move, he's got a van and the guys can help," Michelle's eyes widened and her eyebrows raised. "We'll probably get it all done in one day."

She was scowling, actually scowling. "Yeah, if you want all you stuff stolen, their criminals." She didn't attempt to lower her voice for him, he was lower than a piece of shit on her shoe in her book.

"Michelle," I started glancing at Billy who's eyes were wide with anger. I knew exactly what he was thinking; who was she to speak as if she knew them? As if she knew anything at all about what they did, and why they did it. "He's doing me a favour, be nice."

She growled lowly before retreating back into the living room, muttering all the way there.

"I'm sorry about that," I said, unsure if I was sorry for Michelle's behaviour or for mine. I dug my hands deep into my jean pockets; he was silent.

"Where the kids?" he asked gruffly, his intense eyes burning a hole through me.

"They've gone on holiday to California with my mom, they're staying with my sister for three weeks."

"Ya didn't tell me about this?" What? Did I need his permission.

I raised my brows at him. "It was a quick decision, give's me time to move," I said dryly, my expression challenging him to try and argue with me about this. I would fucking annihilate him.

He raised his eyebrows slowly too, a small patronising smirk appearing on his face. "Give me a call when ya wanna move," and he swooped down so quickly I barely realised he had planted a kiss on my plump lips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Joe," I yelled over all the commotion. "More to the left," he let out a frustrated huff and continued to attempt to put my wall mirror up straight.

Just as I turned around readying myself to lift a huge box filled with books, Bodie and Baggy staggered into the living room, carrying my heavy couch and looking red in the face. I was so grateful to them all for coming and helping, most of my furniture was in my new apartment and we'd only been moving stuff for a couple of hours. The only guys who weren't helping were Heco and Dog, I figured they were working.

Michelle had barely said a word since we had started packing, she was still pissed that the guys were helping; Alex had tried his hardest to get her to be polite, she wasn't having any of it.

"Need some help with that box?" I smiled as the familiar voice ringed through my ears. Rachel leaned down and gripped the heavy box, her long hair was tied up neatly and a wide smile was plastered across her pretty face.

"Sure," we both leaned down and heaved the box , laughing as we immediately both dropped it with a loud thud. I looked around wanting to beckon for help but everyone looked so busy, I didn't want to ask anymore, they had already done enough.

Billy stood in the corner, he had just brought in my small table and chairs and was about to back out of the door to grab something else. His sparkling eyes met mine and in an instant he was standing between Rachel and I heaving the heavy box into his arms.

"Which room?" he asked gruffly, the muscles in his arms contracting. For a second I found myself looking down at his heavily tattooed strong arms and remembering how they had wrapped around me so easily a couple of days before.

Rachel looked extremely awkward as she watched Billy and my eyes connect; I didn't notice her grimace involuntarily.

"My room," I smiled following Billy as he led the way; Rachel kept in step with me as I walked.

"I guess you heard that I'm on one of those police curfew things, right?" Rachel asked, I found it hard to peel my eyes away from Billy's back. "That's why I had to rush off from the bar a few months ago."

"Yeah, Joe told me. He didn't say what for?" my voice was distracted and my eyes kept flicking towards Billy; I wanted to bitch slap myself. My long time friend was talking to me and I was thinking about how good Billy's butt looked in his dark jeans. I wondered if the front of those jeans looked equally good.

I mentally slapped myself.

"I got into a bar fight," she said sheepishly. Well that wasn't like Rachel, I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Whoa, Rach that's not like you!"

She shrugged her shoulders as Billy placed the heavy box down beside my bed. "Ya fuckin' read too much," he commented.

"Ya don't read enough," I smiled.

"He doesn't read at all," Rachel corrected seriously before catching herself and turning her face into a smile. I hated the way she spoke like she knew him, she didn't know him at all, not the real Billy anyway.

Billy glared at her and for a moment I was caught looking between them, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Nearly done, you must be so relieved Trish," Rachel commented walking out of the room. I glanced back at Billy before exiting the room, noticing most of the guys were sitting about, all of my furniture was in- next the unpacking.

Michelle and Alex stood to one side pulling out my photo albums and photo's that were in frames, their backs to the gang.

"Thanks guys, this means a lot," I said to the whole room.

"Took a lot of fuckin energy too," replied Joe with a wide grin, Billy slapped him around the back of the head.

"Back to work," Billy declared to the men, they all stood, some grumbling before calling out goodbyes and heading for the door.

Rachel sauntered over to me and wrapped her arms around me. "I better take off, got to be in my place in an hour," she hugged me tightly. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Alex checked his watch as he watched everyone leaving, "I better head to the hospital, too." He leaned over and placed a kiss on my head.

"I'll go home now too then, unless you want me to stay Tee?" Michelle asked.

"No, you guys go home. I'll see you tomorrow Chelle."

They both left quietly and I was left standing there alone, the darkness of the nights sky pouring through my long windows. The boxes were scattered about the living room/kitchen and I bet the kids room and my own were just as bad. Closing my eyes, I flopped down on the couch, dreading unpacking. It was going to be tedious and irritating, I had to turn this small apartment into a home.

I knew Ronnie was going to have a huge problem with the dark blue walls that were in her and Jake's room, but she'd have to put up with it until I had a little bit more money. If she hates it so much, I told myself, she can come in with me for awhile, it's not like I was getting any action.

Fuck, I think I'd have to dust away the cobwebs before I even contemplated getting laid.

I hated how rude Chelle had been to the guys, they had done me a huge favour. Why couldn't she see that? Alex had gone out of his way to be polite, probably attempting to make up for Michelle's antagonistic ways; I knew she was only trying to look out for me.

"Tired?" A gruff voice I knew only too well came from behind the couch. I jumped and let out a loud squeak, my eyes opening widely.

Billy stood tall and intimidating, his bare strong arms resting on the back of the couch.

"Shit you scared me, I thought you'd gone with everyone else? I asked standing up and plugging my lamp in, though it sat on the floor. I turned to face Billy, my own arms pressed hard onto my hips. What the hell was he still doing here?

"I waited in your toilet," he replied casually, his face an unreadable mask. Did he even realise how creepy he sounded, a little flutter of fear danced in my stomach. "Get ya unpacked."

I didn't think so. "No, we've done so much today. I got tomorrow off too, I'll get it done then." I dumped myself down on the couch again, very conscious that Billy sat down too. "I just want to put some sheets on my bed, head down to the store pick up a couple beers and relax."

"I'll go to the store for ya, ya put your sheets on," he stated standing up and leaving before I really had time to tell him there was no need.

I did as he said, it felt a little weird. I mean I was making my bed because my ex had told me to. I puffed my pillows and went and grabbed a group photo of myself , the twins and Steve and put it next to my bed. The sheets and quilt settled coldly onto my bed and I found myself really looking forward to climbing in between them.

Billy didn't return back for another fifteen minutes by which time I was nearly sleeping on the couch, though awoke immediately as the smell of Chinese wafted through my apartment door. I sat up and smiled as Billy handed me a box of chicken noodles, and a beer. My stomach rumbled loudly- I hadn't realised how hungry I really was.

I dug in quickly, enjoy the taste sliding down my throat; Billy sat next to me, closer than he was earlier and dug into his food. I sipped my beer between mouthfuls, feeling more relaxed with every second.

"The twins called?" Billy asked before shovelling a pile off food into his mouth.

I shook my head attempting to swallow the food that filled my mouth before speaking. "No, my sister text me earlier, she'd taken them to some theme park and they were both dead asleep in the back of her car." Billy nodded. "Anna said that if they woke up early enough she'd get them to call me."

"Ya miss them?" He asked, his piercing eyes catching mine for the smallest of seconds.

Somebody had been dropped as a baby. "Of course I do, Billy. I'd die for them."

"So ya don't regret having them?" he asked coarsely dropping his carton of food onto the wooden floor and lighting himself a cigarette.

Without asking I grabbed his packet and lit myself one up. "No, they amaze me every day, so no I do not regret them."

He sniffed and wiped under his nose before puffing deeply on his cigarette. "Yeah me too," he said coarsely leaning back into the sofa and staring at the wall, his free hand landed on my knee.

I looked down at his calloused hand. What was he trying to do? Was he trying to play games or did he actually want to talk? All I knew was that his slight touch on my jean clad thigh made the breath catch in my throat and excitement rumble in my belly. I felt like I was twenty-one again; looking at his menacing eyes from under my thick lashes, looking at his thick lower lip and his unshaven upper lip and chin; how could he still have such an effect on me? After everything?

"You regret everything you did?" I asked breathing deeply, his eyes were still firmly set on the wall.

Billy gave a little jerk of his head. "Do I fuckin' regret it?" his accent sounded thicker than usual. He turned and looked me deeply in the eye, his sharp eyes piercing through me. "Every fuckin' day."

I was taken aback by his shock confession, he had just spoken words I had waited five years to hear. I could feel the tears building within my eyes but told myself that they would not fall, I would not break down in front of the man that opened my heart before breaking it. My heart felt like it was contracting, that it would burst at any second; I had believed for a long time that Billy was incapable of feeling remorse let alone expressing it.

He leaned in as a rogue tear slipped from my muddy eye and wiped it away softly with his thumb. I smiled timidly, feeling like a young girl again. Slowly his lips met mine and I was kissing him back without even thinking about it, without thinking about anything.

His strong arms reached around the back of me, yanking me closer so that my chest was rammed up against his. His tongue slipped into my mouth as I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly; the soft kiss turned powerful and passionate. My body tingled with excitement as he rubbed my curvy hips, his calloused hands exactly as they were years before.

I pulled myself over and threw my leg over him so that I was straddling him, the kiss never broke, his jeans beneath me were stiff and were throbbing lightly.

His hands ran up and down my hips before he began to lift my shirt higher and higher, I raised my arms and my shirt soon slipped over my head. Billy began to nuzzle on my chest making me let out a small moan. I threw my head back in delight, smiling to myself, knowing what was going to come.

**Please review XD**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, so this chapter is quite short, but I hope you enjoy.**

**Thanks for all of the reviews.**

**Please review this chapter, constructive criticism is most welcomed.**

Billy laid on his side in the darkness, the only light coming from the dim moonlight that shone through the bare bedroom window. He rested his head on one hand as the other calloused hand gently ran itself across the smooth back of the blonde who's bed he was in.

His finger traced the few faded stretch marks that scarred Trish's perfectly curved hips, a sign of true womanhood, a sign of being a mother. He ran his hand over her rounded bottom, basking in it's softness, it's beauty. Billy's fingers traced all the way up her smooth back, smirking when the sleeping women sighed deeply at his touch; he trailed his finger over her petite shoulder and down her arm where he fingered the small ugly rounded scar that was stamped there.

Bullet holes always seemed to leave their mark in the most gruesome ways.

Billy leaned down slowly, his mouth roaming her supple arm before plating a small kiss in the old wound. He didn't find it disgusting, how could he? He had a handful scattered over his body. It was one of her war wounds, it was beautiful.

Trish moaned incoherently in her sleep before rolling from her stomach onto her side; Billy's piercing eyes followed her as she moved before they landed harshly on the bedside cabinet.

He hadn't noticed it when he and Trish had staggered in hours before. He hadn't even glanced at it as his lips had made up to her body for years of neglect, he hadn't even spotted it as he laid on top of Trish, his eyes roaming everywhere but her face knowing that if he looked too deeply into those chocolate pools words that he daren't speak would spill from his lips. Words he would never be able to take back; words he didn't want to.

As soon as his eyes landed on the photograph of Trish holding hands with Jake whilst also holding hands with some unknown tall guy who had Billy's daughter Ronnie perched on his shoulders his eyes turned hard. Who the fuck was that guy? Who was the guy imposing on _his _family? The family he was going to win back, the family he planned on taking back to Southie with him.

He rolled onto his back, his arm wrapping around Trish as he planned on finding out who the mystery guy was, and planning ways to get rid of him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

My eyes fluttered open and immediately my heart began to swell with panic. Fuck! Billy's strong tattooed arm was snaked tightly over me, pinning me to him. I could feel his smoky breath on my neck, I could feel his manhood digging into my hip.

I lay there stiff, my eyes wide open; I daren't move encase he woke, what the hell would I say to him? "Hey, thanks for the amazing sex, but I think you should leave." Shit, I had automatically assumed he would've of been gone by the time I woke anyway. This was going to be so awkward, I tried hopefully to push myself back to sleep hoping that he would be gone by the time I awoke later that day.

"Mornin'," Billy grumbled from beside me, his eyes still shut tightly.

I wonder if he knew I was laying there planning ways to escape my own apartment, without him noticing what I was doing. I needed to be Houdini.

Quickly I closed my eyes and settled for faking sleep; maybe he'd leave if I slept all day?

"I know your awake," he commented gruffly, I could feel his cutting eyes on me. Reluctantly I turned over to face him, I wrapped the sheet firmly around my body and opened my plain eyes to look into his exceptional orbs.

I decided to just get it all out in the open, better to get it out rather than beat around the bush. "What are you still doing here?"

His eyes didn't give anything away, he looked relaxed, like he was expecting it.

"The fuck it look like?" he answered boldly, his eyes never leaving me. How could he look so comfortable in my bed after all of these years? I wasn't sure how his head worked, shit I'd never known, but I was pretty sure his natural reaction to sleeping with me again would be to run a million miles away. Billy didn't take kindly to taking anyone's shit, and I had always given him shit.

With the blankest expression I stared at him, my plump lips parted in astonishment; what the fuck was I meant to say to him? I sat up, holding the sheet close to my body.

For years I had forced myself to remember him as a savage, a violent thug that only cared about one thing and one thing only. Himself. I had made myself believe that I was nothing to him, nothing but an easy lay and then someone to clean and cook for him. I had forced myself daily to remember the beating he had given me, how he had forced me to listen to him fuck another women. How he had didn't even understand what the word empathy means, let alone be capable of empathising with anyone. I had hammered those memories into my head, knowing that even if I remembered briefly how he'd stroked my hair when nobody was watching or how he'd hold me so tight that I'd die from the love I had for him, I'd want to go back to him.

And as I stared down at him laying confidently on my bed, I wanted him out of my house, before I jumped him. "You used to leave before I woke up."

His piercing eyes penetrated me, their coldness made me want to look away. "And now I don't," he said, a small cocky smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

"Billy," I stuttered, my brown eyes gawking around the room, my lips pursing. "I don't want you here."

"You wanted me here last fuckin' night," he said gruffly, his smirk falling just the slightest bit.

"I wanted your dick," I blurted angrily. I needed him gone; already I was feeling like the night before was a huge mistake.

Billy's scarred face instantly dropped; women threw themselves as his feet wanting him not only for his impressive bedroom skills, but for Billy Darley himself; I could see in his eyes that I he didn't like my comment.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I just think it's best all round if we draw a line under this and just forget about it," I said confidently, though began to chew my bottom lip nervously immediately.

For a moment he didn't move. Billy just stared angrily into my brown eyes; my breath caught in my throat as he finally began to move. He sat up rigidly before throwing his legs over the side of the bed; he said nothing as he shuffled his jeans on.

"Who's the guy?" he asked sternly as he did up his belt buckle.

Still sitting on the bed with my sheet wrapped firmly around me I narrowed my eyes at him. What the fuck was he on about?

Billy nodded tensely to the photograph placed by chance on my bedside table; I turned quickly to look at what he was nodding towards. Shit. My hand involuntarily ran through my hair nervously, and I began to nibble on my rounded lip.

Wait, why should I be nervous about telling Billy about Steve? There was nothing going on between Billy and I, and in all honestly I wasn't sure if anything between Steve and myself was going on either. Billy and I had had one night of fantastic sex, sex that brought back such heated memories I thought I'd die of pleasure. A one night stand, that's what Billy and I had, and it meant nothing.

It was innocent, we both had itches, and we both definitely scratched them.

"That would be Steve," I said quietly and calmly. My eyes fell to the white bed sheets, shame washing over me. Steve and I were over, so why did I feel so guilty all of a sudden?

"Fuck is Steve?" he asked; I could feel his glare burning a hole through me.

I breathed in deeply; did I really want to have this conversation with Billy?

"Steve's my ex," I sighed before finally looking up into Billy's intense eyes, their perfect coldness sending chills down my spine. "He wanted me to get engaged and for me and the kids to move to Florida where his army base was." Billy's jaw was ridged. "I didn't want to."

"That's it?" Billy answered, his voice a deep growl.

"That's it."

Both Billy and I just stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity. My eyes grazed over his muscular arms remembering not only how powerful they could be, but how gentle they could be around me. I glanced at his feet, knowing full well how hard of a kick he could lay into you with them, but also remembering how just beneath his toes he was ticklish. His hands were resting firmly on his hips, and I thought about how dominant he was with them, sexually as well as violently; I was biting my lip heatedly as I stared at his perfect form, his cross necklace still hanging in place.

He kneeled down on the bed and moved closer to me, I didn't move I just stood still glaring at him. What the fuck was he doing? Quickly I pulled the sheet tighter around myself and stood up; goose bumps appeared on my arms. He sat on the bed on his knee's right in front of me, his head about the height of my lower abdomen.

"You love him?" he asked gruffly.

"Yes," I replied, my voice a quiver.

"You loved me?" he asked, his eyes boring into mine once again.

"You know I do," I said, not realising the slip of the tongue I had made.

His calloused hands reached out and began to rub my hips over the sheet; instinctively I wanted to pull away but I couldn't, though he didn't seem to be he was gripping me, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.

Suddenly, Billy gripped the sheet and yanked it off me, leaving me standing there completely exposed. Instinctively I covered my breasts with my arms; Billy was smirking at my curvy body, so different to how I was years ago.

His lips began to attack my stomach and I threw my head back in pleasure. His mouth roamed my stomach and thigh's, his facial gruff brushing me roughly. I stood tall, my blonde hair falling down my back as his hands wondered across my body; I let out a gasp as his mouth brushed across my most intimate area, brushing past so quickly it was almost as if I'd imagined it. I yearned for him to brush across it again.

I didn't have to wait long.

**Hit the review button, go on! **


	9. Chapter 9

**I am SOOOOOO SORRY for taking so long to update, I've just had loads on with work and stuff. I really hope your all still as interested in this as you were before.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I read through them all yesterday and they really spurred me on to write. So please continue to tell me what you like and what you don't.**

**Also, I've just started a new DS story, I know I should of waited but I couldn't help myself, so if you fancy checking it out it's called Deep Deceit, please let me know what you think.**

**Please review and enjoy : )**

I smiled meekly at the cab driver through the small mirror, he was slowing down, drawing into the curb before eventually coming to a halt with a squeak of the brakes.

"Sure this is the bar ya' wanted?" The balding cab driver asked, shifting in his seat so he was looking back at me. He was unshaven but was immaculately clean, the spicy scent of his aftershave filling the cab.

Again, I smiled at the older man. "Yeah, this is the place," I said as I began to open my purse.

"It's not a nice bar, not for a nice girl like ya," he commented dryly, his eyes focused on me.

I couldn't help but smile at him again. "I'll be fine, I used to come here a lot."

His dark eyes narrowed in for the slightest of seconds as he took the notes I passed him. "Ya sure?"

I cringed internally, was I sure? I was pretty sure that I wasn't sure about what I was about to do; in my heart of heart's I knew it would probably end badly, but I was so pissed off I couldn't help myself.

Billy was ignoring me, because of the inevitable. He had offered to drive me to the airport to pick up the kids and my mother when they came home, and just because I had told him sleeping together was a bad idea he was acting like I didn't exist.

What was he really expecting? For him to just slot back into our lives as a part-time dad to the twins, and a part-time lover to me? No, I wasn't having him turn up at my apartment at all hour's wanting a fuck, not when I've got two curious children in said apartment. I mean, what if he fell asleep one night and the twins saw him in my bed with me? I couldn't have that- I was not going to let them grow up watching their mother be used.

To me, that was a perfectly fair reason to tell Billy not to come around unless it was to see the kid's. I had told him, about a week after we first slept together, when he had arrived at my apartment at three AM in the morning wanting a fuck that it was not going to happen again. He like the childish prick that he is, had stormed off and hadn't returned my call's or text's since. Billy had even ignored the picture text I had sent him of the kids on the beach. Asshole!

"I'm sure," I lied to the cab driver before slipping out of the back seat and sucked in a deep breath. My brown eyes stared at the run-down bar was the cab driver sped away; why was I back here? I had promised myself years ago I would never come back here again.

It took me a few minutes to actually move my boot-clad feet. One step after another I told myself over and over as I neared the bar; with one brave breath I pushed the entrance open and stepped inside, instantly drowning in the familiarity. Nothing had changed. Jimi Hendrix played lazily in the background, thick floating smoke filled the air hitting my nostrils immediately, and an array of alcoholics lined the bar.

My big eyes instantly flicked down to the table's where Billy and the gang used to always sit, though they were empty, my heart pounded in my chest.

I moved quickly towards the bar, trying to give off an air of confidence- I didn't know anyone there, or at least I thought I didn't. After sitting on the bar stool and watching the grubby barman sulk towards me I realised it was Sammy.

His hair was greasy and lank, his skin seemed sunken and waxy and an unmistakable smell of sweat swam off his skin.

"Sammy is that you?" I asked with a wide smile, trying to hide my nervousness. I fiddled with the hem of my shirt slyly.

His dark eyes narrowed in on me for the briefest of seconds, before a broad grin crawled across his face. He looked instantly healthier.

"Trish? Holy shit mami, it's been a long time," he said his accent still thick. Instantly he leaned over and pulled me into a one armed hug.

"Yeah it has," I replied once he had released me. "This place hasn't changed," I commented, deciding not to mention his radical change- I had noticed track marks up his arm.

He turned around suddenly before re-appearing seconds later clutching a vodka and coke. "You remembered," I said happily begin to sip it before Rachel walked out from behind back. "Rach," I yelled at her. She stopped suddenly and looked disappointingly at me before rearranging her features into a plastic smile.

"Hey, what brings you here?" she asked immediately, her wide smile still plastered across her face.

I got the intense feeling she really didn't want me there.

"Billy," I replied, staring her in the eye, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Her eyes narrowed in for the slightest of seconds before returning back to wide and bright, I felt like asking her whether she had a problem or something.

Before I had time to dwell on her obvious coldness the bar door slammed open and in walked a giggling woman, closely followed by Billy, his large hand resting on the curve of her hip.

A cigarette dangled from his lip, a cocky smirk tugging at the side. His icy blue eyes narrowed in on me menacingly the moment he saw me sitting there; he stopped dead in his tracks and glared angrily at me, the scantily clad brunette he was with stopped too, her heavily made up long face looking scathingly between us.

Billy forcefully pushed the brunette forward, silently telling her to keep walking, and she immediately followed his command.

"Still not speaking to me?" I asked annoyed as he stared venomously at me. "Words would be good."

He puffed on his cigarette, his free had resting firmly on his hip, too close to where I knew he kept his gun.

"What ya doin' here?" he asked gruffly, flicking his finished smoke to the floor.

"Why are you ignoring me?" I replied not a second later, a scorned tone poising my voice.

"What the fuck ya' doin' here?" he asked again, his tone vicious. I went to retort angrily again, but he cut me off. "Don't fuckin' play games with me Trish," he warned sternly.

I didn't realise that everyone was staring, Rachel and Sammy, the brunette, the alcoholics and half of the gang who had walked in after Billy. Angrily I stood up and stepped closer to him, my head barely reaching his gruff chin.

"Play games," I said, unable to control myself. "I took your kid's away from you once Billy, if I were playing games, I could do that again," I warned, my voice no more than a whisper.

His face hardened instantly, his smooth skin tightened across his cheekbones, and his jaw was solid. Billy was silent, though his eyes penetrated mine with such force I took a step back, knowing that I had crossed some invisible line but not feeling an ounce of guilt for it.

Billy needed to know that he was most certainly not in charge. That he couldn't come and go when he pleased, that he could not disappear from our lives.

"Watch your mouth," Billy croakily whispered, his voice threatening. His icy eyes still glared at me with such force that it felt like I was being read, my inside thoughts, my private thoughts open for him to peruse through.

I stood tall, wanting to match his impressive height. "You owe me an apology," I announced. Billy slowly looked from left to right before looking back down at me; his eyes gleamed with intense rage, and I knew exactly why. I had just totally disrespected him in front of everyone, I couldn't get away with it.

"Outside," he managed to say through his tightly clenched teeth.

Immediately I turned on my heel and headed outside, pushing the bar door so forcefully that it slammed onto the outside wall. I walked a while outside before turning around suddenly and finding Billy standing closer than I would've liked.

His steely eyes glared down at me that for a moment I was scared that he would hit me, hit me like he had all those years ago. But then I realised, just one wrong move and I _could _disappear with the kids, and I think he knew this too.

"Apology?" I asked.

"What do I owe ya an apology for?" he asked gruffly, his hot breath hitting my face.

"For completely ignoring my calls!" I began to rant. "The kid's are back tomorrow night, and I haven't got a fucking clue how I'm going to get them back from the airport-"

Billy interrupted me. "I'm giving ya a ride, we talked about this last week." He said, as he began to rub his forehead stressfully. "Ya told me not to turn up or hassle ya unless it's to do with the twins," he said his voice cutting, knowing that he had me.

"Yeah I know," my voice instantly softened because he was right, in a way. "I was texting you about Ronnie and Jake, you should of answered me." I realised I was starting to sound like I was taking to one of the twins, so instantly became quiet.

We both stood, almost touching, in complete silence. I stared directly at his hardened chest and I could feel his icy orbs staring down at my blonde head. My breathing was quickening and I wanted to punch myself in the face for the thoughts that had began to travel through my stupid head, at that moment, feeling Billy's hot breath on my head I just wanted to wrap my slender arms around his neck and force my lips onto his perfectly sculpted ones. I imagined his huge hands gripping my ass as he lifted me up so that my legs could wrap around his waist and I could not stop thinking about his tongue-

"Ya want a ride home?" he croaked, breaking my naughty train of thought.

I nodded. "Mhmmm-hmmm."

Slowly I turned and headed towards the parked mustang, slipping into the passenger seat and resting my head back on the familiar leather headrest and I closed my eyes as Billy started the roaring engine. We drove in perfect silence for a couple of minutes, before Billy pulled over down an underpass.

My breathing began to quicken, but for completely different reasons as to why it had minutes before. Why had he brought me down here? What was he planning? Oh God, I thought in a moment of panic, what if he thinks if he kills me he'll get the kids!

He turned in his seat so that he was facing me, and I instinctively put my hand on the door handle, his eyes flashed to my hand before he burst out in a throaty chuckle. "Ya think I brought ya down here to hurt ya?" He asked, a half-smile etched on his rugged features.

I didn't say anything.

"Don't be stupid Trish, I brought ya down here to tell ya that if we had carried on," he didn't say carry on what, but I knew exactly what he meant. "I would've done it your way, and then one day, if you wanted me around more, I'd be there." I couldn't believe my ears; was this way of saying that he was happy for it to be just a bit of fun, but if I wanted more than that he'd want it too? Who was this and what the fuck had they done with Billy?

"Billy," I started after sitting there speechless for what seemed like forever. "If we started off with just a bit of fun, I would end up wanting more than that; that's probably why I stopped it in the first place, I was scared. But I don't want the kid's growing up, seeing you come and go. Thinking one minute that you live with us then for you not to come home for days. I don't want them to see you come home covered in blood," his jaw stiffened. "Like I had to so many times, and I don't want them to grow up thinking drugs and shit are okay, because they are not!"

"I've fuckin' changed," he declared angrily, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. "Ya don't see me running round' anymore snorting anything I can get my hands on do ya? No, I'd fuckin' come home, and Bones will be gone in a couple of years, he's got the garage and a couple small wheeler dealer shit. When he's gone, those will be mine- the kids wouldn't have to know about the heroin or coke side of the business."

"Couldn't you just give up the drugs part?" I asked, still finding it difficult to process everything he had said.

He sucked on his cigarette deeply. "It's who I am Trish, it's who I was brought up to be."

My plump lips were slightly parted as I tried to digest everything he had said. Billy had sounded so honest, I just wanted to believe everything he said. I could feel myself buying into his little speech; I loved him, after all those years I couldn't deny it, and maybe if our fun did turn into something else, maybe the kids and I would be better off.

With my mind clouded with a thousand thoughts I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips towards Billy's. My hands roamed to his cheeks, and his arms began to rest on my hips; our tongues danced and I was finding it hard not to smile into his irresistible kiss.

I pulled away and smiled wryly up at him before resting my head on his solid chest. I knew I was home.

**What you think?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you all for the amazing reviews from the last chapter. They mean so much to me, and spur me on to write. Seriously, you guys are amazing, I'm sending you all your very own Billy in the post right now!**

**I'm really nervous about this chapter and would love to hear your feedback, thoughts and likes/dislikes on it. **

**Also the parts that are in italics are flashbacks.**

"_Has she said anything to you?" I heard Alex whisper to Chelle as I lay on their long green couch pretending to sleep. My head rattled with thoughts and uncertainties; had I done the right thing, leaving Billy? I knew deep down I had. He would've of never accepted that I hadn't gone through with the abortion, that I'd convinced his trusted back alley doctor to not cut my babies out of me. No, he would of killed me just to kill my unborn children, even if he had planned on keeping me alive in the first place._

_I had only been away from Billy for a day and a half, and although the last few days I had spent with him had been a living hell, I was missing him. I wish things could of worked out differently._

"_No," murmured Chelle, assuming I was fast asleep. "But I'll bet any money those bruises are from that fucking gang banger."_

_They both quietened down and I knew I would have to tell them the truth later that day, it wasn't fair on them for me to turn up black and blue without an explanation. I could also feel myself aching for cocaine, I hadn't had any since I'd found out I was pregnant, and I hadn't really wanted it. Now though after everything, I could happily snort a nice long line. I needed some help, for my babies sake._

_I yawned loudly and scratched my knotted hair before beginning to sit up lazily, hoping that they assumed I had just awoken and hadn't been laying there awake for hours. I couldn't sleep._

_Slowly, I stood up and slinked over towards the kitchen where Alex and Chelle stood drinking large mugs of coffee. _

"_Hey," I said lowly. "Mind if I take a shower?" _

"_You don't have to ask Tee," said Alex, nodding towards the bathroom. I smiled in thanks and began to walk towards the white door, my body aching. _

_I turned around slowly, seeing both of their eyes staring at me. "Once I get out, I promise to tell you everything." _

_The hot water soothed my aching muscles as I wondered what Billy was doing at that very moment. Would he be out on the streets searching for me? I hoped the letter I had left him would stop him from sending the guys all over the city to look for me. Or was he fucking Becky in our bed, not caring that I'd disappeared, glad that I was gone? Probably the latter, I had hurt his pride and his reputation beyond repair, now he wanted to hurt me just as bad._

_I dried myself quickly, lingering on my stomach whilst smiling to myself. I couldn't believe that a fuck-up like me could be a mother, but I knew I'd damn well try. _

_When I entered the living room again I found Alex and Chelle laying on the couch spooning. As if it wasn't bad enough that I'd left the only guy I'd ever truly loved, I had to arrive in New York to find that my two best friends had hooked up. Honestly though I was happy for them, it had been a long time coming, like a really long time. Years, in fact. But at the moment, I didn't really want to be around happy couples. _

_They both sat up and moved over so I could sit down, both of their wide eyes searching me for answers. _

"_I'm pregnant," I announced. Both their mouth's opened wide. "With twins."_

_Clearly neither of them could find words._

"_Anything? A congratulations?" I asked._

"_Yeah," Chelle said grabbing me and wrapping me in a tight hug. "Congratulations. Is it Billy's?" She added as an afterthought just as she released me ad I was wrapped into another tight hug from Alex._

_I smiled widely at both of them, trying to stop my big brown eyes from crying before I had even began the story. "Chelle you remember what I told you about what I did with Bones, when Billy first got taken in?" She nodded and so did Alex, I had counted on Chelle to of already passed this information onto Alex months ago. "Well Bones told Billy in front of everyone and made out I had just gone to him because I was horny," I could feel the tears brimming so I opened my eyes wider, begging them not to fall. "Billy as you can imagine went crazy. Like real crazy." I glanced down towards the bruises that marked my face, arms, back and legs._

"_That motherfucker," Chelle exclaimed loudly, which was very out of character for her. I could see the anger and rage behind her knowing hazel eyes. _

"_Did he know that you're pregnant at this time?" I shook my head, and without being able to stop the tears from pouring out._

_I sobbed. "I told him as he was beating on me, and he stopped, but tried forcing me to have an abortion," Both of their mouths dropped in horror. "I knew I had to go."_

_Chelle grabbed me once more and held me tightly to her as I sobbed onto her shoulder, my arms wrapped tightly around her small frame. _

"_You'll stay here with us until after the babies are born- twins," Alex announced as Chelle re-released me, "are going to be hard work, you'll need us." Then he leant down and placed his hand on my growing stomach with a wide smile etched across his handsome features. His reaction was the exact reaction I had wanted from Billy._

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Billy watched silently as Trish walked forward through the crowds of people, desperate to see the twins again. She had been anxious the whole journey out towards the airport, wanting her two babies in her arms again.

He stared at the back of her as she tip-toed in the air with hopes of seeing them; her blonde hair had outgrown it's bob cut and was beginning to fall down her sleek back like it had all those years ago. Billy wondered if she was doing it on purpose because at that moment he would quite happily just watch it swish back and forth as she walked all day.

Billy could probably watch her rounded bum as she walked all day too.

Suddenly she squealed loudly and Billy automatically stood up straighter, his hand reaching behind him as his narrowed eyes swept the area for danger.

Trish was on her knees her slender arms reached out as the twins ran into them happily, both wrapping themselves around their mother. Billy hung back as Trish smothered them in kisses and held them both tightly to her before standing up and leaning over to kiss a women of the same height with dyed blonde hair on the cheek. Billy could only guess that was Trish's mother.

The twins both held their mothers hand as the four of them talked avidly before Trish turned them around and pointed in Billy's direction, saying something to the two youngsters.

Ronnie smiled widely and began to run towards him, her hair flying all over the place. "Daddy," she screamed excitedly as she crashed into his jean clad legs, wrapping her small arms around him.

Jake stood defiantly next to his mother, his piercing blue eyes glaring at Billy.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Billy can you help with the bags please?" I asked as I climbed out of the car to let my mother out of his backseat. He gave me a look that said 'I'm not your fucking butler' before reluctantly getting out and going round to the trunk.

My mother's reaction to meeting Billy had been nothing but awkward. She had looked him up with her distrusting blue eyes before putting her small manicured hand forward to shake his- he had given it a quick shake before dropping her hand instantly. Her eyes took in his scary demeanour, and I had to nudged her to stop her from staring at the tattoo's that snaked up Billy's neck.

Of course my mother had never met Billy before, but she'd heard stories. Not the full story, but snippets. She knew that Billy wasn't really a good guy and that he hadn't reacted well to finding out I was pregnant, and as far as she was concerned, he had kicked me and abandoned me when I needed him the most. I had tried to tell her many times that I had left him, but she would not accept it.

The five of us walked slowly up to the homely white house, my mother in front fiddling with her keys Billy carrying her two obnoxiously large suitcases and me holding both of the sleepy twins hands.

She unlocked the door and opened it wide, looking worriedly as she looked at Billy who hovered awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of whether to step inside. "Well get in," she said impatiently. "The neighbours will be wondering what's going on."

Billy raised his eyebrows at her before stepping inside and attempting to lower her bags. "In the living room will do," she said. With his jaw clenched angrily, he hoisted the bags again and headed into the living room with a wide archway. I knew he wasn't happy about being told what to do, but I think he knew if he kicked up a stink, we'd be over before we'd even started.

The twins and I followed my mother and Billy in and the twins slumped lazily onto the couch, their bright eyes beat.

The living room was painted an immaculate white and a large ornate fireplace was situated opposite the large archway. The house was homely and beautifully decorated, but it wasn't what my mother was used to after being with George for so many years. After he had died, she had been horror-struck to realise he'd left his business, his assets and their grand house to his blithering nephew. Only leaving a regular three bedroom house to my mother. She had of course decorated with same grandeur she was used to, but it didn't look the same in the smaller house. Shame really, the small amount of money he had left her had been used to decorate it.

"Oh god, they're beat," my mother said glancing at the twins who had both fallen asleep on the sofa. "They were both up at six am this morning and stayed awake for the whole flight. They must be exhausted," she said her eyes drenching the twins sleeping frames in love.

Billy stood by the fireplace silently, his hands on his hips, pushing his leather jacket back.

"They won't be happy when I have to wake them to buckle them up in the car then," I commented, my eyes not leaving the twins, though I could feel Billy's eyes on the back of me.

My mother pursed her thin lips together. "Well why don't you stay the night here, put the kid's in their bedroom and you can sleep in the spare. Don't go waking them Trish, you know Jake will be worst for it tomorrow."

She had a point, Jake played up way more when he was tired, and I really wanted my first day back with them after the long trip they took to be nice. I'd missed them so much.

"I can't mom, I can't ask Billy to drive all the way out here again in the morning to come pick us up it's not fair."

"I'll send-" he began gruffly only to be cut off by my infuriating mother.

"Nonsense," she smiled anxiously. I knew the next words that would spill from her lips she really didn't want to say. "Billy can sleep on the sofa," she looked from me into Billy's piercing eyes. "But you'll take those dirty boot's off first."

XXXXXXXXXX

_Billy woke suddenly, his head flew up from the pillow and his groggy eyes glared at the wall as if something was there. He rubbed his face lazily before yanking a smoke out of his packet that sat on the nightstand and lit it as he rolled onto his back, his menacing eyes realising that he was alone in bed._

_He sat up quickly throwing the covers from him and stormed out of bed. The bedroom door flew open and he charged through it finding the living room and connected kitchen empty. Angrily he threw the bathroom door open, expecting to find Trish in there but instantly became more incensed to find it empty._

_Where the fuck was she? He let out a low growl before making a last ditch attempt to find her by storming into Joe's room, slamming the door against the wall as he burst in and yanking the sheets off the bed only find Joe laying there groggy, his eyes glazed over._

"_What's wrong?" Joe croaked, his brown eyes opening wider._

"_Where's Trish?" Billy demanded to know. Joe's eyes narrowed in on his brother, what the fuck was he talking about? Trish' flight was booked for Sunday, and Billy had no way of knowing about it._

"_The fuck ya talking bout'?" groaned Joe, sitting up in his bed. _

_Billy's face was a face of a mad man. His jaw was clenched tightly, his fierce eyes deathly; quickly he dropped his cigarette into the ashtray beside Joe's bed before throwing his strong hand against Joe's neck. He grabbed tightly, forcing Joe's eyes to widen in shock. "The fuck is she, Joey?"_

"_I don't know," Joe choked out. Billy released him but threw Joe's head back so forcefully it hit the wall behind his bed._

_It took seconds for Billy to charge into the kitchen ready to storm the streets, though he was only in his underwear when he saw a small envelope on the kitchen counter, his name written neatly on the front._

_He tore at the envelope, a hand written letter folded sat in his hand, he opened it quickly, his eyes scanning the white crisp paper._

_Billy,_

_Hopefully by the time you read this I will be gone. I say hopefully because I am terrified of what you are going to do to me if I stay. You have hurt me beyond belief, physically and emotionally, something I thought you would never do. Something you promised me you would never do. I love you so much that it kills me to write this, not to be able to say goodbye to you or feel your lips one last time, but it's what's best for me, and for you. I've left the city so I wouldn't bother trying to look for me, you'll never find or see me again. You need to get help for your addictions and anger, then maybe one day you'll be able to be happy and find a new women to love. Maybe you'll one day be capable of being a father, though I sincerely hope you never forget that you could have been a father to our child, and that your cruelness and selfishness took that away from you. You have no idea what you have done to me, how destroyed I feel inside because of you. Though despite that I cannot stop myself from loving you. Please tell Joe that I'm sorry and that I love him like the brother I never had. _

_Trish_

_Billy read and re-read the letter over and over again, his eyes dead. She was gone and she was not going to come back, because of him. She'd said that she loved him over and over but the words that stung him clearly showed she hated him. _

_Trish hated him, and had left him, and all he could think was that he deserved it._

"_What's that?" Joe asked, standing in the doorway, he rubbed the back of his head as he eyed the letter._

_Billy scrunched the letter up before letting it fall to the floor. "She's gone," he croaked as he strode towards his bedroom, intent upon snorting all of the cocaine he had in there._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I lay in the middle of the large double bed I was supposed to be sleeping in. My thoughts were running wildly around my head though I'd gone to bed an hour before; the house was deadly silent- the kids were out cold in their bedroom and I could hear my mother's light snores through the walls. She only snored when she took a sleeping pill, I wish she would of passed one on to me.

I wondered idly if Billy was awake downstairs, eyeing the ceiling knowing I was directly above him (he'd come out of the bathroom upstairs as I was going to bed) or if he was silently robbing the house as we all lay innocently in our beds. I scolded myself mentally for thinking that, though I knew it was totally justified.

As if he knew I was thinking of him, the bedroom door creaked open and in he slipped closing the door tightly behind him. I sat up quickly in bed, my eyes wide as I watched him shrug off his jacket and toss it onto the dressing table's chair.

"What you doing?" I asked as he dipped his knee onto the bed so he could lean over to me. The moonlight that shone through the window enhanced the scars on his face, though the steely blue of his eyes had me looking at nothing but them.

He leaned closer and I could smell his unique smell before his lips crashed down on mine. Instantly I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me as the kiss deepened, his full body was on the bed now, leaning over me.

Awkwardly I pulled myself out of the covers as we continued kissing, his tongue dancing wildly with my own, so that I could press my body against his. Billy's calloused hand travelled from the back of my head down my neck and shoulders and I could feel his jeans stiffen as he realised I was sleeping naked. His hand groped my breast that had me gasping and pulling away from him.

"Too many clothes," I whispered huskily staring deep into his eyes before I began to yank his shirt over his head.

Our lips crashed back together within second's and his hand began to trail from my breasts down my stomach before he began rubbing me softly, quickly going faster causing my back to arch into him. He slipped a finger inside of me; I couldn't suppress the moan that escaped my lips.

"Billy," I moaned as he slipped in another, pumping me fast and hard. I clawed at his back and bit ferociously on his shoulder as the pleasure became too much; he grunted in pleasure as I began to nibble roughly on his neck, my nails snaking down his back digging into him as I exploded into paradise.

**What did you think? *Bites nails anxiously* : )**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, I know I like disappeared and I'm so sorry! I've been really wrapped up in work and just haven't had the time as well as having terrible writers block.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.**

**I know this is small and by no means is perfect, I just wanted to get something out. Please review.**

**Oh and to all the writers who I have not read or reviewed your updates recently, I promise you I'm in the process if catching up. **

Prod.

Ergh. Go away! I screamed mentally, stuffing my face deeper into the sweet smelling pillow, instantly relaxing again, my mind drifting off to a world of dancing, icy vodka's and a shirtless Simon Neil again.

Prod.

For fuck sake.

Irritated, I opened my eyes lazily to find my daughter staring down at me, her plump lips pursed, her mousy hair a tangle of waves. Her big icy eyes that could cut through me with a single glance were wide as she stared silently at me, a thousand questions hidden behind them.

"Mhmm, baby what's wrong?" I asked sleepily, rubbing my eye before pushing my wayward blonde hair out of my face. I noticed it was still dark outside.

"I had a nightmare and, and, and," she stuttered, her eyes wide and watery.

"Aww baby, it's okay," I murmured leaning up slightly and smoothing down her hair.

"Why's daddy in your bed?" she asked and panic suddenly hit me.

I threw my head around, my hair swinging with me, to see Billy laying there on his back his arms sprayed above his head. His tribal tattoo snaked down from his neck and down his toned arms; a new tattoo graced his chest, right above his heart.

_R J. _

How had I missed that the night before?

Billy hadn't said a word, hadn't said a thing about the blatant show of commitment, love, he had for the twins.

Ronnie and Jake, always near their father's heart. I could feel the tears brimming.

I turned back to face Ronnie, who stood watching me.

"Is he sick?" she asked, her voice quiet as a whisper.

"Yes!" I said instantly relieved that she had drawn her own innocent conclusions. Quickly I sat up, holding the duvet around my chest whilst wrapping my arm around Ronnie's tiny frame. "Daddy had a bad tummy, so just like when you or brother are sick he came to sleep in with me, and I'm betting that when he wakes, he'll feel all better," I said with a small smile leaning up and kissing her small button nose.

"Can I come sleep in here too?" she asked, her voice small.

I smoothed down her hair again. "Sure baby," my eyes flicked to my unused nightgown slung lazily over the chair in the corner. "Grab me that night gown first Ron."

The second Ronnie turned to get it I began to roughly push Billy's shoulder; he grunted lowly and batted my hand away his eyes still firmly shut. I stared at his pale sleeping face; he was flawed, but so beautiful, I could watch his face all day, watch as he licked his lips unconsciously or look at his perfectly sculpted cheekbones and nose. I could easily trace my finger across his faded scar all day, forever if I had to, if there was a chance of him opening his piercing cold eyes and have them stare through my soul just once more.

"Billy," I sternly murmured before giving him another rough push, he barely moved but his astounding eyes opened wide before he sat up quickly scanning the room. I watched as his eyes caught sight of Ronnie picking up my nightgown, then for him to turn to me, a smirk playing on his features, his eyes alight with amusement.

"You feeling better Daddy?" Ronnie asked handing me the nightgown before climbing onto the bed. I murmured a word of thanks before slinging the nightie over my head quickly.

"Fantastic," he replied gruffly whilst running a hand over his face.

"Seeing as your better, you can go back on the couch then-"

"No!" Ronnie whined. "I want Daddy to stay in bed too." Her eyes were wide and watery in the darkness. "I'll feel much much safer," God she knew what she was doing.

I threw my head back down onto the pillows with a grumble. "Fine," I moaned, turning over as Ronnie climbed beneath the sheets between Billy and I. I lovingly wrapped my arms around my daughter, my face nuzzling into her strawberry smelling hair, taking in her innocence, hating that it felt so right laying in bed with him whilst Ronnie cuddled in between us.

I glanced up to see Billy staring at me with sleepy eyes; I slammed mine shut not willing to watch him bask in his victory.

His victory of winning me back completely. His victory in forcing me to acknowledge my buried feelings for him.

I could feel it in my chest, burning, tearing itself out of me; I loved Billy unequivocally and I knew I would forever, no matter how much I tried to stomp it out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My eyes lay wide open and I stare directly at the ceiling, one arm slung lazily behind my head, the other one interlocked with Billy's rough calloused one above our daughter's head. I smiled shyly to myself, Billy had never been one for hand holding and as he was past out I thought I'd take advantage of his tired state.

I'd awoken about twenty minutes earlier, hearing my mother heading downstairs before opening the front door. Probably one of her neighbours calling around for morning coffee, that's the type of people my mother and her friends are, but that's not what was bothering me.

My mother had got up earlier than we had, had then walked down the stairs into the sitting room to find the couch empty. Then she opened the front door to her guest, obviously seeing Billy's black mustang still parked outside. She knew Billy was upstairs in bed with me.

God, I really didn't want the hassle and there would be hassle. My mother would not be happy with this, no she would not. She saw Billy below herself and myself, never realising what I saw in Billy in the first place, and she barely knew a thing about him. She thought that he wasn't good enough for me, and as far as she was concerned he worked as a mechanic for his dad in Southie. She'd have a heart attack if she ever found out an inch of the truth.

Slowly I could hear my mother making her way up the stairs, creeping almost, trying desperately not to make a sound, when she gently tapped the bedroom door twice. I sat up, untangling my fingers from Billy's as she knocked again and opened the door slightly, blinding me with the morning light.

"Patricia," ergh why did she have to call me that? "Can you come downstairs please?" Her judging eyes flew to Billy, who lay snoring lightly.

She closed the door quickly behind her, leaving me dreading the lecture I was facing. I felt fourteen again.

I got out of bed and ran my hands through my tangled blonde hair before looking down and Billy sleeping with Ronnie snoozing just inches away. The picture would have been truly perfect if Jake was sleeping soundly next to Billy too.

Silently I crept out of the bedroom, momentarily blinded by the light. I crept over and poked my head into the room Jake was sleeping in; he was out cold. I was so disappointed, part of me selfishly wanted him to be awake, after all, my mom couldn't go crazy with Jake in the room.

The stairs creaked lightly as I wondered down with heavy eyes, preparing myself for the ear bashing I was surely about to receive.

"You have a guest," my mother said stiffly from the hallway, her hands folded together. A guest? Who would come visit me at my mom's? Who would come visit who would make my mother so uncomfortable?

I walked past my blonde mother with furrowed brows, my curiosity wild, I turned around the corner and my jaw almost hit the floor.

In front of me stood the back of a dark cropped haired man, his back muscles rippling through his shirt, his massive height making everything in the room appear small.

The man turned, his sea green eyes alight, a confident lazy smirk pulling up half his face.

I stared completely tongue tied; it seemed forever before I regained my voice. "What are you doing here, Steve?"

**Please review ;)**


End file.
